iLLuSiOnS oF A LiFeTiMe ....

The Sighs That No One Is Able To Hear...

2010-07-01T04:46:00.002+08:00

This is all killing me slowly...
Hope you'll save me...
From all these nightmares...

Emotionally Drained....

I still love you dearly baby....

Things were looking up, and suddenly it's going down, down, down again...

2010-06-18T18:21:00.001+08:00

Why cant u balance out work and love my darLing?
I know money is important..
But it isnt everything...
I don't get to spend quality time with you anymore..
Because you are so busy working...
I've tried to think positively...
That this is all temporary...
That I only need to put up with this for the nxt 8 months only..
But I dont know how long more I can endure even with this positive thinking...

Im only human...
No matter how independant I am, Im still a woman...
Who needs her man's constant care and showering her with love...
Who needs her man to show and tell her how much he loves her occasionally, if not frequently...
Who wanna get surprises from her man every now and then...
Who wants her man to appreciate her...
Who wants her man to accept her for the person that she is...
But I dont get that kind of treatment from you baby...
Not ANYMORE...

Pls baby...
Pls do not neglect me...
Pls do not take me for granted...

Selagi I boleh telan, I telan...

Tapi jgn sampai I terbegik Sayang...

Life's Updates...

2010-04-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

I really dunno who really is viewing my blog still..
But it's really surprising and nice to know that some of my friends out there are still viewing my blog to keep themselves updated abt my life..
Tho we dun really keep in contact that much..
Tho i dun really update that much now...
First and foremost..
Thx to all who had been there for me all along when i was at my lowest..
And all the advices given..
I am very2 grateful and thankful to y'all..
I appreciate everything that y'all had done for me..
Bcos of u guys, i got thru evrything..
And after much thinking...
IM BACK WITH MY BELOVED MUHAMMAD RAMADHAN SHAH...

Dear sayang..
I knew that u made the decision impulsely..
I know that u still love me deeply, like how i still love u deeply..
No matter how much i keep on telling myself to jsut go ahead and move on..
It was almost impossible.. Bcos most of the time i was faking those smiles...
But all that has passed..
I've already forgiven you syg..
And now's a brand new chapter...

Putting all that aside..
I've made quite a number of new friends in the past few months..
Glad to have them in my life..
I also have a lunch buddy now.. *smiles widely*
Life is ok..
I can say that things are getting better..
Being back with boify really brings back motivation to do things..
Like i have always said, he's my motivation for evrything... =)
And being with the friends around me, the new friends made..
It's just not the same anymore..
And im very thankful to god for bringing these ppl into my life..

Work wise..
Stressss...
Yes, i do feel like leaving sometimes..
But i think that i wanna wait for the contract to end instead..
Experience purposes..
And then i'll try finding another job..
Possibly from the same place, but hired directly from the HR..
No more agents...
Starbucks is still my weekend job..
Of cos there's disagreements sometimes u know..
But i guess we all have to go thru that kinda thing..
I think Dhirah baby will agree with me on this...

Schling wise..
Im still thinking which part time diploma course that i wanna take..
There's a few choices for me to choose from..
But i'll take my time..
I need to save up for it anw...

I guess that's abt it..
Y'all shall wait for my nxt update then... =) Gd night ppl...

NEW STATUS......

2010-02-13T13:00:00.001+08:00

Back to being SINGLE.

Up to Today...

2010-01-30T12:44:00.003+08:00

So muchhhh has happened over the last few months..
And no.. Some of them are not pleasant at all..
I was caught in a dilemma, n got out of it..
Was confused, but ok now...

Made more new friends..
Got a part time job..
Started on it in Dec..
Got a full time job by end of Jan..
Started on the job..
It's ok..
Every job is stressful and tiring..
So it's nothing new...

Boify & me ran into some rough patch that wasnt that easy to get out..
But fortunately, we made it..
To the future, insyaallah...

My Life Up Til Now...

2009-11-01T16:56:00.000+08:00

QUICK UPDATES...

So far..
Most of it are gd memories to keep...
Went out with my precious friends.. A lot lately..
It's like.. Almost every week, there's 1 plan..
Got my dream bike, like finally.. And loving it... =)
Went back to NYP to get my academic transcript..
Met up with poly friends.. It was ok...
And then after a few days...
I discovered something that was so disappointing...
But i got over it anw.. Too used to these kinda things...
Applied for several full time jobs..
But none ever replied..
I wonder if there really are many jobs opening..
IM GETTING SICK SITTING AT HOME ALL DAY..
Anyone has a job to recommend? =)
Other than this, upcoming events are soon..
Im so excited i can hardly wait seh...
To have fun with my darLingS... =)

Boify and me are getting on great..
Sure, there are times when we quarrel like any other couple..
But we never fail to make up and not drag it too long..
In short, we're understanding each other more than before..
I love him more and more too...
Now that he is gonna ORD soon, he's clearing his offs and leaves..
And also working at the same time..
But i sure get to spend more time with him now..
And he told me abt a plan of his that made me really happy... =)
But that's another story....

Hari Raye Outing 1!

2009-10-10T03:48:00.002+08:00

Just got back half an hour ago..
It was crazy i tell you..
Lots of pics were taken..
And i really meant lotsss..
Had fun too.. A LOT...

Let's list out who were present eh..
Girls were Dhirah. Baizurah, Farhana and me..
Guys were Azmi, Zahin, Indra, Nabil, Khalid, Maszlee and Zaim..
1st hse was Azmi's..
Tricked him and Indra that i won't be coming..
Both got irritated.. Hehe.. =)
Then went over to Indra's, after which was Zahin's and then Dhirah's..
Up til Dhirah's hse.. All hses have food...
Next was Maszlee's, after which was Nabil's...

Then we couldn't think of anymore places to go today so we decided to lepak somewhere..
So all of us except for Zaim who went home, went to West Coast Recreation Centre..
Initially wanted to play pool..
But bcos no tables we available, we went to play bowling instead..
It was fun.. Really fun..
Even though i din wanna play at 1st..
After bowling, Baizurah, Dhirah and Farhana went home..
The rest of us proceeded to WCP to eat..
After eating, we went over to jetty and sat ard for a while..
After which, Indra's katil and bantal was already calling him every now and then.. =D
So we made our way back home..
And that's y i got back home this late...

I really can't wait for everyone to upload the photos..
Precious moments...

Being a planner...

2009-10-07T16:06:00.002+08:00

It is very fun.. Very satisfying..
But at the same time.. Very stressing..
Why?.. Because some of them just don't know how to reply..
I don't think that it's difficult to reply saying u're going, not going, can't make it, lazy to go, don't want to go, maybe, etc..
Honesty man, honesty...
And for some..
One moment can make it, and the next, can't..
Very the mcm2 karena know...

But anws...
Azmi, Zahin and me came up with planning a vacation..
Cool?.. I know...
The only problem is...
They suggested it... But...
I have to plan it... Basket right...

So then i have another plan..
When wan comes back from Brunei, which is after the 17th oct onwards...
We will have a karaoke outing..
Im so excited!..
Can't wait, can't wait...

From 2 months ago...

2009-10-01T21:32:00.003+08:00

My life has been pretty much the same..
But at the same time..
Made some new friends..
One of them, from the same pri sch that i was in..
Im so glad we could be friends now, even though we missed all those yrs to be friends..
She's quite easy going n easy to relate to..
So here's to Fadhilah.. =)

Things between beloved boify and me are pretty much the same..
We still love each other very much after all these months together..
Despite the random quarrels, which are pretty normal for couples..
Im still very much in love with u,
My dear Muhammad Ramadhan Shah...

Nowadays im busy planning for raye outing with pri sch mates..
Other than that..
During weekdays, i'll be at home most of the time..
Surfing the net, or watching the tv..
Yes, i do not go out as often anymore bcos baby's started working day n night already..
During weekends, since it's raye weeks, im out with family..
Visiting relatives and all..
Since my mum got her drivers' license already, we rent cars during weekends for easy travel..
Though at first her driving skills not there yet, i think she's improved much after getting used to auto cars... =)

So im looking forward to have the best pri sch raye outing nxt week..
And also continue to plan other outings for everyone..
I think the nxt upcoming outing after raye will be karaoke session..
It will be a blast!
Im sure of it... =)

It's been long...

2009-08-03T16:33:00.003+08:00

That's right...
Been a long time since i last updated anything abt my life...
Sometimes i think there's no use/need for me to update anything here anymore...
But.. I dunno why i feel like blogging today...

I dun rmmbr the last time i felt so down and low...
It's been happy days, tho constantly mixed with bad moments..
Then suddenly this happens..
I dunno how to react.. Not anymore...
It almost came to that...
Why oh why...
Haiz....

Was glad to have Huda with me to talk during the most impossible times..
That's why among the cuzzins, we're still the ones closer to each other..
We're like real sisters, 1 yr apart, with different facial features, hair and skin tone...
And im very thankful for that... Really...

On a lighter note...
Many of my pri sch frens, be it those that i still rmmbr, or not, are all re-surfacing again...
It's really nice to know that they're still the best bunch ard my life...
Not to mention those little misplaced ppl from sec sch n the left behind poly days...
Ahhh... Gd times...

Random section...
I dreamt that i was riding a R6, racing with some others on some highway (definitely not singapore's)...
Weird.. But not totally random to me..
Bcos i went to jb.. And park beside 2 R1s and a hayabusa...
Haha.. Have not even got my 2a thinking abt class 2 already... Tsk tsk...
I really wanna have my own bike soon...
Then i can go anywhere w/o worrying of the place and time...

She Doesn't Understand....

2009-05-16T19:45:00.002+08:00

It saddens me that u think that way...
I cud have justified my actions...
But i just cudnt...
I cudnt explain to u...
Im not sure if i cudnt or i just din want to...
Somehow...
I'd rather be the ungrateful brat that u've always thought i was...

I hope u're happy....

Truths...

2009-05-14T13:48:00.001+08:00

Recently....
I took a look ard me...
Looking at Boify's life...
Looking at mine, especially...

Even thought right now everything's still a mess...
I realise that i've grown much much more that i ever thought i wud in a short period of time...
More disciplined.. More punctuality...
Less stressed up over things.. Less irritated...
Much much more patience...
Making sound decisions...
Being much more independant than before.. That's the most important...

These, are priceless, compared to what schling wud have taught me...

Yes, in other words, i am pretty proud of myself...
To be able to stay alive this far...
To be able to survive...
To manage myself without much help...
Without having to rely too much on others...

Maybe i probably shud go back...
As many have already advised me to...
But maybe i just dun want to...
I really just cant take the fact that after all these months...
He is still not letting his ego back down for a bit...
And things haven taken much turn to being normal...
It's become more abnormal than ever...
His thinking is way too screwed up...
How can i ever respect him again...
Maybe this is the wrong thinking...
But it's just me...
If nobody ever stand up to him, he'll forever think that he's right in every single thing he does...

Believe me...
Im sorry, mother...
But i just can't do it...

Save You.... Save Me.....

2009-01-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

Why?
Why does that all matter?

Dun u know how much its gonna hurt me?
Why do u hafta say all that?

Just because u think that i wudnt hear it...
Just because....

.... And i'm hurt...

... Very hurt...

... Thank you very much....

For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic....

2009-01-19T13:16:00.003+08:00

Im abandoning evrything..
I dun wanna care abt a single shit anymore..
School, work...
Evrything....

And so what...
No one cares anw...
At least i dun think anyone cares or gives a shit...

Looking thru my previous posts...
I realise it's been sometime since i last posted something happy, hyper, etc...
All the posts have been very depressing...
I know..
Im sorry....

Once Upon A Time.....

2008-11-30T17:16:00.000+08:00

I hate this.. I really do...
Everytime... Every single time!
And the only safe place that i can cry my eyes out..
Is when im alone in my room...
And in syg's presence....

When i look at others...
Go out as one HAPPY family...
I get jealous.. Very jealous.. Really...
When i look at ppl's frenster photo albums...
Taken with family or siblings...
They all look very happy...

Mine's once upon a time...

Blank.....

2008-11-26T18:18:00.002+08:00

Before starting to type this sentence..
I actually had a lot in mind to blog abt..
But it had all disappeared..
I hate this when this happens..
I'll try remembering it all n blog again tonight or something...

Sometimes i think im becoming worst, yet again..
It's just like...
When i was what i am, in 2006..
Then, it was bcos of another thing..
But now.. I think it's another thing...

Sometimes i really wish things will get better...
Really... Soonn will help... A LOT.....
Because i dunno how long more i'll be able to tolerate this...
It's tiring...
And i really feel like giving up...
It is all very tiring...
Tired of evrything....

... And i miss my Baby...

... It's killing me that we have to be far away...

When We're Still Apart...

2008-11-22T00:14:00.001+08:00

It's too bad that we cant celebrate today...
But it's not as if it's something we can avoid...
You have to be all the way in Brunei and im stuck here...
Waiting for u to be back...

Happy 5th Monthsary Baby...

Now You're Gone...

2008-11-16T00:33:00.000+08:00

It's been 72+hrs since u've been away syg...
I miss u very much...
431+hrs more to go til i get to see u again...
To be with u again...

Come back safely...
And rest assured...
I'll fetch u from the airport when u come back...
Even tho it's 5am in the morning...

I Love You Baby....

Leaving Soon........

2008-11-03T13:53:00.003+08:00

You'll be leaving in 11 days..
I cant believe it's so soon..
If only you dun have to go..
If only we had more days together...

I'll be missing you like crazy...
That's something for sure...

.... And counting down the days left...

.... Til u leave for Brunei...

.... Is painful...

.... I'll miss you baby...

Tell Me Why Im Feeling Like This....

2008-10-29T02:42:00.000+08:00

I really cant get to sleep right now..
It's been a few nights now..
U're always in my dreams..
But i dun rmmbr what really happened in it...

What is happening to us syg?
Izit just me, that im feeling all these?
Or it's really happening?
Are we drifting apart lil by lil?
Or izit just a figment of my imagination?

Why does it feel like we do not have time for each other anymore?
Izit because of me?
That i've been too busy juggling sch and work?
Have i neglected u along the way?
Have i not made time for u?
Why do i feel like im far away from u when in fact, we meet almost evryday when we're both free?
Am i just being paranoid?

All i needed was for u to be there for 10 mins...
That's all it takes...
To make it all go away...
To make the whole day's mess back to normal...
I just needed to feel u...
That u're there for me the whole time...
Is that too much to ask for?
Am i asking too much?
Am i expecting too much?
Im not even prepared for u to go n leave me here in Singapore...
Not yet... Not now...
Not like this....

A Lesson Learnt...

2008-10-23T01:42:00.002+08:00

What happened today..
Was the most interesting thing that happened in campus...
And it was also a lesson learnt..
By Matin n me...

We were talking abt some stuffs in Mac when suddenly..
This Hafiz guy accidentally spilled a whole cup of HOT tea at his friend..
And of cos, the guy screamed like hell..
So Matin n i turned ard, saw what happened..
I smiled.. But Matin laughed..
Reason (according to him) was bcos i was smiling, that's y he laughed..
But that wasnt it..
Ard half an hr after that..
I wanted to drink my milo, bought from the breakfast meal..
So i reached out for my LARGE, UNDRANK milo..
And the drink slipped from my hand..
And so the whole drink spilled on my pants, n a bit on Matin's..
I was freaked out!
Bcos i still had lessons after that.. And it was only 11+am...

"Tu lah.. Ketawe kan org lagi.. Kan dah terkene sendiri.. Padan muka..."

I tried keeping my calm..
Even tho i know Hafiz and the grp of guys behind saw what happened..
Tried calling my gurlfrens..
1 in class, 1 din ans, 1 otw to campus..
Then called syg..
He calmed me a bit more..
Said he'll bring new tee for me..
So last resort, called Aidil..
Aidil was eating, so Farhan had to accompany me to Giordano to buy jeans..
Cost a freaking $35.10 after student disc..
But the jeans is nice..
So no regrets..
And this became the joke of the day...

So moral of the story..
What goes ard REALLY comes ard..
It's only a matter of time...
For me and Matin..
It took only abt half an hr... =P

Another interesting thing we found out..
Was on Jann's blog..
I cant believe Aidil's, Is's and Hadi's reaction after reading it..
Korg eh... Tak baik tau....

Congratu-fucking-lations ke pe?.. hehee....

After Being Missing.....

2008-10-15T15:58:00.002+08:00

First and foremost...
A late "Selamat Hari Raya" to all...

Secondly...
Apologies for not updating for a very long time..
It's been abt a month n a half of no updates from me..
Been very busy with work and stuffs...

Apart from that...
So many things has happened so far..
I dun even know where to begin..
Let me try to remember what happened..
Since i left the last post on my blog...

My job...
So far, it's been gd..
Not very smooth due to difficult customers..
But it's still manageable..
I especially love my pay..
Finally, i feel like im being paid fairly for what i've worked for..
Oh oh.. Im now working at Starhub CSC..
Abt the Starbucks..
I declined the job..
Mainly bcos i was thinking abt the amount that i'll be paid...

Sch...
Umm.. Results weren't gd..
Failed 2 MAJOR modules..
But i guess that was expected..
And i deserved it anw..
But somehow..
I dont see myself bucking up or anything..
Why am i not surprised...
So my timetable's a bitch...
Why am i not surprised either....

Friends...
All's gd..
All is still the same..
But it seems that Razis..
Hmm... Shall not mention anything...

So i guess that's abt it...
My post is already quite long as it is now...

Something Out Of The Blue...

2008-08-14T11:41:00.003+08:00

I was listening to my CDs at home..
And I came across Blink 182's album..
Then I realise how much I miss listening to them..
How much I miss listening to Punk Rock..
And all those alternative rock, emo rock, etcs...

Random, I know..
But this song says it all..
For those of you who cant understand..
It's ok...

Stay Together For The Kids

It's hard to wake up

When the shades have been pulled shut

This house is haunted

It's so pathethic

It makes no sense at all

I'm ripe with things to say

The words rot and fall away

What stupid poem could fix this home

I'd read it every day

So here's your holiday

Hope you enjoy this time

You gave it all away

It was mine

So when you're dead and gone

Well you, you'll never guess my twenty years now lost

It's not right

Their anger hurts my ear

Been burnin' strong for seven years

Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them

It makes no sense at all

I see them everyday

We get along, so why can't they?

If this is what he wants,

and this is what she wants

Then why there's so much pain?

So here's your holiday

Hope you, enjoy this time

You gave it all away

It was mine

So when you're dead and gone

Well you, you'll never guess my twenty years now lost

It's not right

Singapore Flyer Anyone...?

2008-08-10T22:37:00.006+08:00

Tickets to board the Singapore Flyer @ $10..
Excited?.. We were..
The best part..
The view from up there..
One word..
Awesome..
It was equally nice, daytime and nighttime..
Daytime, u can see the buildings and stuffs..
Nighttime, u can see the many2 lights from various buildings....

It was simply breathe-taking..
Just like the time when I was staying over at Swissotel with Zahh, Fiq and Jonathan..
The view from the 44th Storey balcony..
I felt peaceful than ever..
The only difference being on top of the Singapore Flyer and at the balcony of the hotel is that..
On the Singapore Flyer, we're being confined in the capsule..
And at the balcony of the hotel, we're free to feel the wind....

Zahh syg........
Bile lagi nak stay over at the same hotel?...
Enjoying the view while blasting the radio and eating potato chips and chocs...
It was a very memorable day with u..
And with the rest..
I miss the times we spent together..
I Miss You Dear Sister....

Here are some pics that we took....

Dear you,

I can't believe that you have to go out field..

To Tekong..

For 10 freaking days..

That's really, really long..

And hell, I sure am gonna miss you..

Like crazy.....

.... Seriously...

... 10 days is very long...

... & I'm seriously gonna miss you baby...

... Damn National Service....

I'll Drift Away Quietly....

2008-08-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

To whom it may concern,

U dunno what it feels like..
U dun and u won't understand..
Cos u're not me..
And u dont think that it's much of a big deal..
Maybe it's not a big deal to u..
But to me..
It is very much a big deal...
But it's ok..
I know that it's partly my fault, I admit it..
And I'll take the blame for that...
It's ok if u cant understand..
Why I'm not in campus most of the time..
Though I wished that u would..
Cos u're my bestfriend...

And I didnt know that by having a bf/gf..
Means that bestfriends have to drift apart..
That thought didnt even occur to me..
And I dont know what makes u think that way..
Because he totally understands our friendship..
And the way it works between us..
My having a bf doesnt mean that anything between us have to change..
I hope u understand that by now..
But more than I'd like to think..
I know that things wont be the same again...

Relieved....

2008-08-02T22:14:00.001+08:00

School....
Angry as I was at SOMEONE..
For forgetting to inform me of something important..
I've solved it.. Thank god..
(But Im still pissed at YOU tau!.. Hmph!)
Managed to complete my EDA assignments for chapters 6 & 7..
Managed to CONVINCED the lecturers to let me re-take my lab test..
Yesterday... Somehow...
Will be re-taking my Cost Accounting's common test next Wed..
Hopefully it'll be easy like the 1st common test...

Bike license....
Thankfully Im at my 3.02 already..
Though I failed once yesterday, I won't be giving up..
I've come to a conclusion..
That no 2 gd things can happen in one day..
Unless, of course, it's your lucky day...

Job wise...
Quitted swensen's already..
Went for an interview at Millenia Walk's starbucks last Tues..
Just got a reply from the manager there..
Yesssa!.. I got the job!
But will only be informed when Im gonna be sent for training by Mon..
Special thx to Mansur and your friend, Indah..
I owe u guys.. =)
Apart from that, Im waiting for my godsis que, for an interview..
Yes, another job.. At starhub...
With 6 months contract...
I don't mind.. I need the money anw...

So for my upcoming schedules...
Im gonna be busy, busy, busy...
Mon to Wed, have to help out on an event for MUA..
On Wed itself..
Morning onwards..
Bike prac.. Same sub again..
After which is my RTP..
Followed by my RTE..
Then I'll book my RTT...
And then I have to rush to campus to take my CA CT...
Then the help out for event..
After that, I think I'll have to start studying already...
If not, I'll sure-fail most of my modules..
And no, I don't want that to happen..
Though I think I deserve it if I do fail in the end...
But hey.. Planning to start studying is a start right....?

Dear you,

I didn't know how we've come to that..

But, Im so glad to have talked things out..

I wouldn't have brought up the topic if it was possible..

But then again, talking abt it really did helped..

Im feeling a whole lot better..

And I know that you are too..

Now that things are back to normal... =)

On my sudden decision to work..

Possibly, 2 jobs at once..

Im really sorry..

Yes, we'll have lesser time to meet each other..

Much as I don't want to, I need to..

You know why..

And I know you'll understand..

But nevertheless, no matter what..

I'll make time for us to meet and spend time together..

Calls and smses, like always..

This, I promise...

Don't be sad ok syg...

.... With each day passing by...

.... I love you more and more...

.... My feelings for you are still the same...

.... And it'll take a lot to change that....

Under Pressure...

2008-07-24T15:08:00.002+08:00

Being the eldest child..
And the only daughter..
Sucks.. Really...
I feel pressurize every now and then..
Haiz...

Im suppose to be the role model for my 3 younger brothers...
Im suppose to look after them when my parents are at work...
(Which btw, I haven't been doing that much)
Im suppose to know what to do when things happen...
Im suppose to be strong for the younger ones...
Im suppose to make things easier for THEM...

Other than these 'Im suppose to', I also have to excel in studies..
Which I also haven been doing a gd job ever since sec 4..
I was kinda lucky that I got into poly..
But really..
Sometimes I wish I was something more..
For myself... For them...
Cos all hopes and dreams are pinned on me...

Trouble sleeping at night..?
U bet..
Endless disturbance while sleeping..
And it's irritating me...

Sometimes..
I just feel like running away...
Sometimes..
I just feel like letting everything go...
Sometimes..
I wish Im being appreciated a lil more...
Sometimes..
I wish Im something more than what I am right now...

Im no longer the strong Widuri that u guys know..
Maybe Im still strong..
But not as strong as I was before..
Emotionally.. Mentally.. Physically...
I've never let anyone know whenever Im crying..
Or when Im feeling lost..
Or feeling down..
I'll always try to pick myself up w/o anyone's help..
The only things that's changing abt me now is..
Im becoming more stubborn..
More headstrong than ever..
It's kinda scary sometimes..
Cos these days, Im determine to get my way..
And every single thing just irritate me..
And it's circumstances that has made me this way...

So right now..
I'd like to apologise..
To the pitiful people..
Whom I shouted at, throw sarcasm at, etc..
Im just really2, very2 pressurize..
And sometimes I just cant help it..
But give the stare...

Dear you,

Im thankful and very grateful to you..

You've been there all along for me..

I feel like Im falling apart every now and then..

But all these times..

Other than my friends..

You're the one who's been keeping me together..

Telling me everything's gonna be alright..

And I appreciate it...

It's been a month now..

Things has been pretty smooth..

Getting better everytime..

Somehow, I sense a bad time ahead..

But Im not that worried..

Cos I know..

We'll get through it together...

Insyaallah... Amiin...

.... Cos u love me... =)

Can't Believe This Is All Happening....

2008-07-02T11:38:00.001+08:00

Haven't been updating much..
Because I don't really go online that much nowadays..
Heh.. *kening2*
And of course, there's the other reason.. =)
Those who knows, knows...

So much has happened in these 2 weeks that I havent been updating..
So many events..
That I just don't know where to start..
Watched a couple of movies..
With Abg and Huda..
The movies can never get better..
But let my main updating be abt my cliques...

In these 2 weeks..
They are all going thru a lot of changes..
Just like me..
And what surprises me most is that..
Because of all these changes..
And the problems that they go through..
We talk abt it to each other..
And I realised..
That is what is making all of us closer to each other..
Closer than I had thought we'd all be..
Nevertheless..
I'm grateful.. And thankful..
To have met them..
Especially in times like this..
And I know..
They all feel the same way...

This is to: RAZIS, ISKANDAR, DILLAH, JANNAH, DYLA, AIDIL...
I LOVE YOU GUYS VERY MUCH...

Dear you,

I can't believe this is happening..

I believe you feel the same way too..

These past few weeks..

We've been spending our time together.. Almost everday...

It's really nice to know what you're thinking and all..

And when you do tell me..

It never felt better..

I could get use to this.. Really...

The need to know how you're doing..

The need to hear your voice..

The need to see you..

Everyday..

It's something I've never really felt before..

I know this sounds crazy and all..

And you'd probably don't really believe me..

But what the hell..

All I know is..

I don't ever wanna let you slip away...

.... ps: I love you...

Questions After Questions...

2008-06-16T14:18:00.002+08:00

Dear you,

I thought I was the only one with questions..

Didn't think you'd have your fair share of questions..

Nevertheless, I was so glad we had that talk..

It has reassured me..

And I believe it has reassured you as well..

A few days ago..

I feel that it's all ending when it hadn't even started..

You couldn't imagine how restless I felt..

But now that I know how you really feel..

I could see THIS going long way...

.... After my questions were ans...

... I feel a whole lot better, really..

... You make me feel better every time..

... And right now..

... All I wish for is..

... Many more happy days ahead..

.... And that THIS doesn't end....

BBDC...

2008-06-09T03:21:00.000+08:00

As a first-timer enrolling for license..
I didn't really know what I had to do or where exactly to go..
So I made my skin thicker a bit.. And asked ard..
And I'm glad I asked ard..
So after printing the allocation slip, I went up to the 3rd floor..
Supposedly to b my classroom.. BUT..
There were several classrooms..
So again, I asked ard..
For BTL 1.01..
It was pretty much what was in the book..
Reading it beforehand gives me a better understanding..
Hmm.. If only I do this in sch..
Maybe things would have been a lil different..
Back to the topic..
The lessons were pretty ok..
After my BTL 1.01, I went for BTL 1.02..
Since I was already there..
After which, Abg picked me up and then we went to eat..
Then we returned his Uncle's bike, and took his scrambler..
We both missed it..
We went to Vivo because he wanted to go watch Kung Fu Panda..
While waiting for the movie to start, we walked ard and keep ourselves occupied..
Was pretty fun you know.. =)
After that, he sent me home...

Dear you,

I'm so glad we talked abt it..

I felt more relieved and comfortable this way..

I hope this doesn't change anything...

.... After a long wait..

... It actually is happening....

Butterflies In My Stomach....

2008-06-07T22:38:00.000+08:00

After working on fri..
Abg fetched me from work..
Went to Beach Rd to sew something on his uniform..
Then went to meet Jannah, Dyla and the rest at Mind Cafe..
But because they were gonna play til a bit later, we didn't joined in..
Instead, we went to eat at Macs, across the road, at Paradiz Centre..
After which, we meet them after they are done..
Walked towards Dhoby Ghaut MRT station cos Jannah & Kak Dyla have to go home..
Since Abg and me don't have plans, we just chilled at Wheelock's Starbuck's..
With Yazid, Farhan, Epul & Mim..
They were totally hilarious..
Somehow Abg could actually find something to talk to them abt..
It was rather interesting to listen to how guys talk and what they talk abt..
It's fun to actually sit down once in a while with them..
Because they can talk abt almost everything..
And that's when the lame parts will come in..
Before the last train leaves, Yazid & Farhan made a move..
We waited for Fitri, Shay & Luqman to come..
After which, we went to eat at ECP...

With them, there was a lot to talk, to laugh, to joke abt..
It was like never ending..
After eating and enough crapping around..
We went to the beach..
Oh oh.. And then something scary happened!..
Shay, Fitri and me experienced in while we were in the toilet..
I thought I was the only one..
But then Shay heard it too..
And when we asked Fitri abt it, he said he heard it too..
Not sure if we were hearing things..
But we sure heard it..
Was kind glad that Fitri was in the toilet with us..
Even though he just stayed at the washing area...
So they left, we left..
Instead of goin home to sleep, we went to lepak at WCP instead..
This is because..
Later in the morning, Abg have to book in camp by 8am..
While I have to go to work at 9am..
And if we go back and sleep, we both know that we won't be able to wake up..
So he sent me home at ard 5.45am..
After I got home, I though maybe I could sleep for an hr before work..
FYI, I can still wake up if it's a 1hr nap kinda thing ok..
But unfortunately, I can't.. Cos of something..
So I had to stay awake the whole day today..
I almost went crazy the whole day when working..
But I was pretty unusually hyper...

Time check; 10.25pm..
Im gonna go out later..
Meeting Shafiq..
Kinda miss him A LOT..
So til the next post..
Take care everyone... =)

Dear you,

I've always wondered if you've picked up the hints..

And no doubt..

I got my ans today..

Upon receiving it..

I was happy, delighted, etc..

I kept smiling all the way..

And thinking if this was all just a dream..

But at the same time..

I was kinda scared..

The fear is there..

Fear of losing everything that we once had..

If THIS doesnt work out..

I'm not even sure if there is a THIS..

But I believe..

If THIS is what we choose..

We'll be taking it slow..

That's something for sure....

.... No one can fully describe...

... What I'm actually feeling right now...

... It feels too good to be true...

... Though it's kinda sudden...

... I feel relieved to know that you feel the same...

... And I wasn't the only one....

Girls' Day Out...

2008-06-01T23:43:00.003+08:00

Went out with Nadia, Babe, her bestfriend and the bestfriend's lil brother..
Met them at SAFRA Mt. Faber..
Bowled for a while..
Then took a bus to Vivo..
Though of watching a movie..
But then we've all watched most of the movies already..
So we walked around before feeling hungry..
Oh btw.. Netasyah's lil bro is sooo cute!..
Very nice to disturb him..
Then went to Toys 'R' Us to play with the toys..
I felt like a 14 yr old seh!..
Hehe.. Cos the girls with me are all 14.. =)
Saw Imran working there..
Such a coincidence..
Plus I actually forgot his name for that 10 secs..
Oh wells..
Then went to LJS, packed the food and stuffs..
Went to eat at the open space on top of Vivo..
I forgot what's that place is called..
Sky park or something, I'm not that sure..
The we sat down..
Talked and laughed while eating..
It's really nice getting to go out with Babe and Nadia..
It's been a while since I last met and talked to them..
Kinda missed them..
Not forgetting the rest..
Especially Adek...

After Netasyah went home, I waited for Abg to fetch me and then go mkn..
Then walked around for awhile before Babe and Nad decided to 'abandon' us..
So Abg and I went to eat at BK..
After which, we went to Shell..
No paddle pop, but then I got another ice cream..
Finished up on my ice cream..
Then he sent me back home..
Sat under the blk for a while..
Before I go back home...

.... Sometimes I wonder..

... If the hints I dropped were obvious..

... And if you've picked them up somehow...

Accept It....

2008-06-01T04:19:00.002+08:00

I didn’t wanna choose..
Only because..
I wanted you to decide instead..
If you had used the belt..
Maybe I’ll still be talking to you right now..
And things wouldn’t change so much..
But you chose what you chose..
I don’t think I can just forget everything..
Nothing is ever going to fix the scar you left..
And I definitely am not talking to you anymore, unless necessary..
Because what you have chosen..
Changed everything..
Even me…

.... I'm not perfect...

... And I'll never be....

Disappointed...?

2008-05-31T07:38:00.004+08:00

Tears were shed,
On the birthday itself..
Good or bad,
She couldn’t tell..
She faked a smile for everyone..
But they could see her eyes don’t shine…

Dear you,

Even though I don’t think you read my blog..

It doesn’t matter anyway..

But really..

My heart sank when you asked me about her..

Somehow, obviously..

You don’t see me the way I see you..

It’s sad and pretty disappointing..

But I’ve known right from the start..

To not expect anything from you..

Because if you were to find out these feelings I have for you..

Things might, or I dare say, will change..

For the good or worst, I am really not sure as yet..

But for now..

I’ll just remain silent..

I like the way things are right now..

And I wouldn’t want anything to change that…

…. And so she shall remain silent...

… Until you find out about it yourself…

… She’s just afraid...

… Too afraid…

….. To lose you….

Happy 18th Birthday WIDURI !!!

2008-05-30T11:03:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WIDURI (& DYLA)!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!

Yay!!.. Yessaa!..

I finally turn 18 today!

Woohoo, woohoo, woohoooo!

Bike license.. Here I come!!

Ok ok wait..

1st thing 1st..

Happy Birthday Kak Fadilah!

Who turned 19 yesterday..

And I missed the mini celebration held for her in campus..

But it's ok..

Later still on..

We'll enjoy ourselves to the max lah!

With the rest of the crazy ppl..

(Though there's no definite plan as yet.. Heh)

So a little dedication here goes out to her..

Nur Fadilah..

A sweet and cute girl..

Beautiful, inside out..

Who's at the same time..

Very silly, lame and funny..

There's so much more to her...

We've been friends since Personal Development Class..

Which was back in 1st sem..

We weren't really that close then..

But nevertheless..

Compared to the rest of the friends that I have in campus..

You're one of those who were closer to me..

And this sem..

Things started to change.. A lot..

We're closer than I thought we'd be..

And I'm thankful for that..

I love you lah!..

So updates on yesterday actually..

I went for my night class..

Came late, but better late than never (Anthony's quote =] )..

Pity Iskandar who brought his stuff just to show me..

Sorry eh..

And during the class, Razis passed me the present that Khairil gave..

After the class, planned to wait for Zainab at macs..

So I sat with Saiful, Hadi, Fazdli, Faizal, Darren, Razis and Anthony..

Wahhh!.. Really unexpected you know..

When I wanted to get up and leave, cos Abg's already waiting at the carpark for me..

They began singing the birthday song for me LOUDLY..

And some other guys who were there whom I dunno, joined the singing..

Then came Iskandar from dunno where with a big present..

I was really surprised lar..

And so embarrassed!..

But I like the feeling though.. =)

Thanks guys..

For the effort.. It paid off right..

Cos you know you guys won't be joining me today..

Then quickly planned something eh.. Bijak, bijak..

Ok.. So here's the part which totally left me, hmm, confused?..

I would be riding home..

So I didn't know how to ride home with the big present..

I don't even wanna remember that part seh..

But it was a great experience..

Cos when I got off the bike..

My back was aching cos couldn't sit properly on the bike..

The journey home was ard 1/2 an hour..

Imagine that..

But nevertheless..

Thanks everyone..

For the presents..

And for those who stayed up til 12am just so you could wish me happy birthday..

Special thanks goes to Babe..

Cos darLing.. I really didn't think you'd remember... =)

Ok.. So here's my supposedly plans for the day later..

Wait for Abg to book out..

Then go enrol for license..

Then quickly make my way to campus..

To meet Kak Nurul/Huda to pass her the chalet money..

Then go karaoke with Jannah, Dyla and the rest..

Then after that I dunno what's the plan..

Cos this plan is not confirmed yet anw..

But 1 of my plans include..

Staying out late til tmr morning..

And it doesn't really matter if my dad don't allow..

Cos I'll still stay out late... =)

So you guys have to wait til sat or sun for my next update..

Or probably later than you thought.. Hehe

After So Long....

2008-05-28T23:49:00.001+08:00

I skipped sch today..
Planned to get MC at first..
But because I got the excuse letter from 12pm til 3pm..
I decided to ask Iskandar to help me tap my card for the lectures instead...

So Abg POP-ed today..
From his BMC (Basic Medic Course)..
Hmm.. Wonder where he'll be posted out to next..
Went to his POP ceremony with his godmum..
Saw the men in green..
Tempted?.. Drooled?..
Lol.. Not me..
But some of them were pretty cute though..
Like the guards who were on duty... Heh =)

The ceremony started at 1pm..
And it ended ard 3+pm..
Then I saw Erwin..
Which was kinda unexpected..
Because I thought that he's still studying..
Oh wells..
Took a cab, sent his godmum to Bukit Panjang, then straight to his house..
Then I took a bus home, while he changed and all..
I got home and changed too..
Then he fetched me at our usual place at ard 6+pm and off we go..
Met his platoon mate at The Cathay..
Wanted to watch Narnia at Cathay, but then only left the front row seats..
So changed plans, go to PS instead to watch the movie..
Watched the 8.20pm show..
Second front row seat..
It wasn't so bad because we were at the center..
Then halfway through the show..
There was a major technical problem..
Lol.. So we got refunds..
Plus.. 3 entry passes..
Woohooo!
After that, Abg's friend left..
While we made our way to Spize, near Great World..
After which, we went straight home..
Which was around 11pm just now...

Dear you,

I don't know how we got closer..

Or when it even started..

I didn't even see it coming..

At first, it wasn't even like that...

When my friends started to ask about you..

When my supervisors say things like that..

When my mum started asking about you..

That's when I actually took the time..

To take a look at what they're referring to..

And then I, too, sensed it...

The way you care for me..

Everytime I'm with you..

You never fail to make me smile and laugh..

You just know..

What to do and say, at the right time..

And they're still playing in my mind..

And I appreciate it very much...

When things in my life..

Started to change drastically..

You're the one..

Who had been there for me for all those times..

You heard me cry non-stop..

When I feel like dying..

You'd kept me alive..

You saw me at my most vulnerable..

I don't think I'd make it through without you..

For that, I'm thankful...

Sometimes when we talk about some stuffs..

I could see the hurt you feel in your eyes..

During those times..

I really wished I could do something for you..

Just like you have been doing for me everytime..

Because the hurt that you feel..

I could relate to them..

And it's kinda the last thing I'd want you to feel...

..... I finally met HIM...

... But now that I have found him...

... I'm feeling a bit apprehensive...

... Because I'm not sure...

... If he sees me the way I see him....

One Helluva Emotional Ride...

2008-05-26T00:46:00.001+08:00

It's been a very, very long time since I last updated..
And I've also decided to blog using proper english from now on..
Don't ask me why..
I have no idea and no ans to that...

So life has been pretty much a bitch, I must say..
But at the same time..
Very fun-filled..
With some being very memorable..
And some being a terrible nightmare..
A thing.. That I'm sure I'll remember for the rest of my life..
So let me recap everything that I remembered since I last updated...

Before my second year started..
I was busy with work..
Working and working as much as I can..
Just so that I can save enough money..
Hmm.. There was this particular night after work..
I tried riding my colleague's KR..
He taught me the basics..
But in the end, the engine died on me everytime..
All because I let go of the clutch too fast..
It was fun though..
Then a week before sch starts, MUA had a meeting, which I didn't attend..
But I was informed of what was going on..
So on Wednesday night..
I last minute-ly asked Iza if she was free on Friday to be my model..
And thank god, she was free..
So she became my model..
And I did 2 looks on her..
Firstly a dramatic, bold look..
Another a sweet, natural look..
She look awesome..
And for the first time..
I was kinda impressed with my own work.. =)
After that, went to secret recipe at Novena with Zai, her model (Sarah) and Iza..
Had a lot of fun..
At the same time, we realised that it's a really small world...

Then second year started..
Like everyone else..
I missed my friends and wanted to see them very, very much..
I was very, very happy to be able to meet them everyday, have lunch and do stuffs together again..
First week of sch was hectic..
Had to do a whole lot of preparation for the Club's booth for Club Crawl..
I switched from MUA (Make-Up Artiste) to LA (Live Audio) from time to time..
To make sure that I keep both sides balance..
But I think I failed..
Because most of the time, I was at MUA's booth instead..
This was naturally because..
MUA didn't really have enough members who were free and willing to look after the booth..
While LA had plenty..
Think my LA friends understood my position..
Thx guys.. =)
And.. It was bloody tiring 0f course...

At the same time..
Work had been ok..
But sometimes i feel like quitting..
Because of the environment there..
On second thoughts, because of the money..
And because I need it..
I just continue working there for a while..
Until I found another job.. heh =)

At home..
Hmm..
Those who knows, knows..
Those who don't..
I don't plan to tell you anything yet anw...

Somehow..
I feel a bit detached from my usual cliques from the last semester..
And I have no idea why..
Maybe because I haven't been attending classes regularly..
But these kinds of period of breaks..
Made me realise that there's others who cares a lot and equally as well..
I can tell that I've been hanging out with another different group of friends..
Whom I wasn't that close with in the previous semesters..
And thinking again..
It's really a joy hanging out with them..
It makes me feel like there's nothing worrying or stopping them from laughing and smiling..
Though I do know that there are things that are bugging them..
We can't ever stop laughing..
Surely Jannah or Dyla will say something to make me burst out laughing..
And when Aidil's with us..
There's not a sec not filled with laughter..
Kan Aidil kan? *kening2*

Oh anw..
Though I haven't really been attending classes..
Last week was a really busy week..
From Tues til Fri..
Make-up for Dance Company for graduation performance..
Had fun in the process..
Though most of the time..
Zainab's not there.. (sighs)
The juniors were as crazy as we are..
Really fun..

On fri..
Went for Jam And Hop at campus..
Woohoo!..
It was a blast!.. I like..
I laughed a lot and dance a bit..
I really let my hair down and just enjoyed myself..
it's been a really long since i last enjoyed myself so much and not care about anything..
And I felt secure and protected being in front of the Abg-AbgS..
Great Music + Great Company = A Great Time
Thx Jannah, Dyla, and my LA friends..
Oh oh.. And I want the photos taken ok!
Every single one of them tau... =)

Went JB the other day..
And guess what....
I went on a MINI SHOPPING SPREE..
Weee~
Ok lah.. It's a mini one only..
I went with Ibu and Abg..
So Ibu bought 1 shoe..
Which I could share.. Heh..
I bought 1 too..
And....
Abg bought a Levi's sneakers for me!..
Thx Abg... =)

Talking about which..
I've been spending most of my time..
Correction.. Most of my weekends...
With Abg..
We watched a couple of movies already..
let's see....

1st - The Bucket List
2nd - Rule #1
3rd - Street Kings
4th - Congkak (in JB)
5th - Forbidden Kingdom (in JB)
6th - Iron Man
7th - What Happens In Vegas
8th - Speed Racer

OK!.. I've realised that it's not just a couple..
A lot of movies..
We also watched DVDs at my place..
When he has no plans and doesn't go out with his friends..
I think we watched, hmm..
Unrest, Step Up 2, Ah Long Ptd. Ltd., Untraceable, Brave, The Bank Job, Hero Wanted and Shutter..
Woah.. That's a lot eh.. Lol..
Next up!.. Would be 21, Wanted, Get Smart, etc..
Can hardly wait you know... =)

Ok.. I think that's abt it..
I think my updating stops here..
Til the next post..
Have fun reading?..
Take care people... *winks*

She's Abt To Run Away....

2008-03-25T04:48:00.000+08:00

enough..
wat does it mean?..
izit the limitations?..
dat exceeds the expectations?..
or izit the point dat u cant take anyting else anymore?..
izit the expections?..
dat exceeds the limitations?..
or izit the point dat u cant do anyting else anymore?...

well..
i guess dat applies on a case-to-case basis huh...

perfect..
wat does it mean?..
izit being sumting dat lives up to sumone else's expectations?..
or our own expectations?..
does it matter wat others tink n expects of us?..
does it matter if we can or cannot live up to their expectations?..
does it matter if we live to our own expectations n ignores their expectations?..
which is more important?..
living up to our own expectations?..
or living up to other's expectations?..
which is more important?..
we can live up to the expectations?..
or we cannot live up to the expectations?..
which exactly matters more n is important?...

these...
are qns...
of which, the ans...
she wun get...
n find...
not anytime soon anw....

she stays up at nite..
tinking abt lotsa stuffs dat's been weighing on her mind..
all the happenings..
the tings dat she cant shake off..
n then recently..
sumting happened..
then she came to realise sumting..
she dun understand it...

she dun understand y..
the blame's literally on her..
they fought bcos of her..
or so she said to her..
she said dat evrytime they fought..
it'd b abt her..
it's not the way she wanted it to b..
but dat's juz the way it goes..
tis wasnt the 1st time..
n she's sure dat it wun b the last..
tho she hoped.. n hoped..
over n over again..
dat it wud b over..
evrytime tis happens..
she wants it to b over n done with..
as soon as possible..
but of cos..
dat's not the way it goes...

n then she gave up n she said to herself..
"fine.. sorry.. you can put the blame on me..
it doesnt matter anw..
it's been tis way..
for as long as i remembered..
n im so used to it already.."...

she's sorry dat she's not living up to their expectations..
she's sorry dat she does all the tings dat they dun want her to do..
she's sorry dat bcos of her, they always fought..
she's sorry dat they tink dat she's not matured enouf..
she's sorry dat they fall sick tinking of wat she's become..
she's sorry...
for she's sumting dat they haf..
that is not perfect...
she's sorry she cant b gd enough for them..
she's sorry she cant b at home when she shud haf been..
she's sorry she's not in bed evrytime during bedtime..
she's sorry she's always coming home late at nite til the morning..
she's sorry she's making them wait up for her tho they had to go to work the nxt day..
above all..
she's sorry she can b evryting else..
except their perfect lil' daughter...

she's forced to grow up faster than any1 of her age..
she wants to go back to the field of innocence..
where she rmmbrd the world from the eyes of a child..
she wanna go back to believing in evryting…

deep inside..
she's missing sumting..
deep inside..
she's empty..
deep inside..
she's not breathing..
deep inside..
she's breaking..
deep inside..
she's dying..
deep inside..
She's lost herself...

1 nite she was watching Crossroads..
on her lappy..
she's on her bed..
n all alone in her room…

"I used to think..
I had the ans to evrything..
But now i know..
That life doesn't always go my way...

Feels like I'm caught in the middle..
That's when I realise...

I'm not a girl..
Not yet a woman..
All I need is time..
A moment that is mine..
While I'm in between...

I'm not a girl..
There is no need to protect me..
It's time that I..
Learn to face up to this on my own...

I've seen so much more than u know now..
So don't tell me to shut my eyes...

I'm not a girl..
But if you look at me closely..
You will see it in my eyes..
This girl will always find her way...

I'm not a girl, don't tell me what to believe..
I'm just trying to find the woman in me..
All i need is time.. That's mine..
While I'm in between."

da da da, da da da..
the song goes on playing in her mind..
again n again..
while tots came flooding in her mind..
she starts crying..
she sat on her bed..
comforting herself..
not knowing of anywhere..
nor anyone to go to and turn to...

then, she suddenly felt so pathetic..
there was so little ppl dat she cud trust..
ppl dat she cud turn to when she needed them there for her..
she has always been ever so strong..
dat she din tink dat it'd b tis way 1 day..
she felt so useless..
n so worthless...

n as she's all typing tis..
her cheeks r all wet..
from the tear drops dat keep rolling down from her eyes..
n drops like dripping tap water..
from her chin to her folded legs on the bed..
her breath got hotter..
her vision got blurry..
n she noes..
she's gonna cry herself to sleep again..
juz so she cud go to sleep..
like evry other nites...

..... n never come back....

Still Wide Awake...

2008-03-19T04:38:00.002+08:00

i feel so glad to haf the time..
to b able to b blogging properly already..
for these few days that I took off and enjoy home..
but.. haiz.. sumhow or rather..
i feel the sense of lost..
the feeling of emptiness..
it’s all coming back..
im depressed?.. nahh..
dun tink dat i m.. not yet anw...

but these few weeks..
i’ve been having difficulty sleeping..
evry nite I come home from work.. tired and all..
when I lie down on my bed..
i close my eyes.. n try to go to sleep..
but when I open my eyes.. to my disappointment..
it’s still dark n i had closed my eyes for oni half an hr..
yea, it seems like there’s a lot on my mind..
but i cant really place my finger on wat it reli is..
even after i clear my mind of any possible distraction to sleep..
i’d find myself tossing n turning in bed.. closing my eyes n opening them again..
oni to see the time on my hp.. which shows; 3.32am..
i lied on my back.. hugged my small pillow.. n stared at the ceiling..
then turn right.. then left.. take a look at my hp..
now it shows; 3.58am..
after closing my eyes for a long time, or so I felt dat it was long..
after tossing n turning in bed again for the tenth times or more..
i took 1 last look at my hp.. tis time it shows; 4.45am..
i close my eyes.. n then I reli fell asleep..
after wat seems like so long..
but most of the times that i felt like i was asleep..
i noe i wasn’t.. u noe wat i mean?
umm.. nvm.. u guys dunno wat I mean anw..
n then comes the time when im really asleep..
i start to dream.. most of the dreams were..
meaningless.. or so it proves noting that cud b of a point to me rite now..
i dunno if they were dreams.. or juz plain nightmares..
haiz.. dream… nightmares….
wat do they really mean…
wat do they wanna show…
wat r they actually tryna bring up to us..
it’s sumting dat i’ll never know n never will figure out…..

so I’ll wake up everyday at ard 12-1+pm..
always juz in time for work..
n my everyday routine starts..
wake up in the afternoon..
go to work..
after work I’ll either return home straight..
or chill wit the rest til the early morning..
yes.. I understand and I know fully well..
that it’s not safe for a gurl like me to b out at nite..
but it’s wat I can do.. to forget wateva that i’ve been tinking abt..
i may seem rebellious.. out of control.. most of the time..
but it’s not as if I want to b this way..
circumstances made me this way..
“dun blame circumstances wid..”, “dun blame evryting else wid..” ….
that’s all I’d ever hear from ppl ard me..
but they’re not me.. u guys r not me..
so how wud u know wat im really feeling deep inside..
wat im really tinking in my mind..
wat im really experiencing rite now..
dun talk to me as if u already knew me..
cos u dun.. u really dun..
mayb others had gone thru the same ting that i haf..
or mayb others had “suffered” more than i haf now..
but everybody takes evryting differently, dun we..
so how izit possible ppl try to say that wat they experienced is the worst yet?
how izit even possible for them to acknowledge it that way?
worst yet.. how izit even possible for them to start comparing?
n yes.. im well and fully aware that evryting happens for a reason..
n that god wudnt gif us anyting that we cant handle..
but it really feels like im going crazy..
… giving up and breaking down soon......

... Ya Allah ya Tuhan ku..

... Sesungguhnya hanya kau..

... Yg faham dan mengerti..

... Perasaan hati ku ini..

... Ku bersyukur..

... Atas semua pemberianmu kpd ku..

... Tetapi ku tidak sanggup lagi..

... Ringankanlah..

... Semua dugaanmu kdp ku..

... Amiin...

Exams Results Are Out!

2008-03-19T01:27:00.000+08:00

i received an sms from Zai at 12.33am..
it says, "Wid.. u dh check ur result?.. so how was it?"
.... my heart skipped a beat..
bcos i tot dat the results will oni b out at 6am later in the morning..
so i quickly switched on my lappy..
signed in to my student account...

for the very 1st time in my life..
i was very nervous abt getting my results..
i was never nervous or scared before..
tho i knew i din reli do my best..
especially during the Os..
but sumhow..
the frens ard me lately..
they had showed me dat..
getting gd results reli mattered..
ok.. not dat i din noe dat before..
i was aware of dat since pri sch..
but sumhow i was never worried abt my results since young..
it was oni now.. dat i suddenly..
reli feel the importance of it..
it strucked hard on me...

so when i actually received my result..
my heart skipped 3 beats..
i din expect the results displayed on the screen..
tears welled up in my eyes..
which i haf no idea y..
but i was so happy i passed..
unexpectedly...

Here's my grades:
EG1008 Engineering Maths: B
EG1009 Electric Circuits: C
EG1010 Digital Electronics: C+
EG1046 Maths 2 (Complmntry): A
EG1221 Digital Elctrnics Project: P
EG1222 Programming Techniques: C
EG1223 Creativity & Innovation: D
EG1224 Engineering Drawing: D+
EG 1225 PCB Design & Prototyping: B+

see see..
i've improved..
n most unexpectedly..
i got a C for both EC n DE.. lol
to Zai, Epul n Zis..
u guys helped me a lot.. thx a lot!
im so happy n bersyukur sgt2 dat i passed evryting..
alhamdulillah.. =)

Hectic Weeks; Busy, Busy, Busy....

2008-03-18T14:38:00.001+08:00

sorie for the lack of updates!
was very2 bz wit work these few weeks..
too bz to even touch my lappy for 2 weeks already..
so let me update u guys starting from after exams, 29/02(Fri) til today, 18/03(Tue)..
of cos.. oni those dat i reli rmmbr..
otherwise, the updates will b a brief one...

29/02, Friday:
haven start to go back to work yet...
i still wanna enjoy the post-exams atmosphere..
so i went out wit my dear Abg Ramadhan Shah..
went riding wit him til abt 3+am..
wanted to go for movies..
but change plans instead...

01/03, Saturday:
no plans in the day..
so i slacked at home..
wanted to blog n checked emails..
but brothers were using the desktop n lappy..
then Abg wanted to ask me go chill wit him..
but no definite plans..
so after much tinking..
it was only at 8+pm, there was a plan..
so went out wit ibu n Abg to West Coast Recreation Centre..
wanted to bowl or pool.. but sumhow..
plans changed again..
so went to Holland V's swensen's..
visited shafiq at work..
ibu ate salad, i ate fries n calamari rings.. Abg watched.. lol
he din wanna eat cos he felt like vomiting.. so, yeah..
we weren't being mean ok..
much unexpectedness.. Fiq paid for us.. we all tot he was joking..
until he shoo-ed us to leave.. i took a look at the micros..
n yeah.. our table's bill's cleared.. thx Fiq.. hehe
after which.. we went to West Coast Park (wcp for short)..
lepak there.. talked abt a lot of stuffs..
then ard 3am.. Wak Razak pick us up..
we went to East Coast Park (ecp for short).. leaving Abg's bike at wcp..
so Abg n i sat at the water breaker.. while ibu talked to wak abt sumting important..
then ard 4.30am.. we made a move, left ecp.. at 1st, wanted to go home straight..
but then plan changed again.. went to cheese prata shop to drink..
after which, sent Abg to wcp to get his bike.. n us, home...

02/03 Sunday:
after i came back from the outing to Holland, then wcp, then ecp..
i actually planned to not sleep.. so dat i'll b able to wake up for madrasah..
but in the end.. din go madrasah.. cos i fall asleep.. woke up oni at 1pm..
juz a nice timing to go to work..
work was as usual.. not reli dat bz..
compared to sat nites.. so then..
din go home straight as well.. it's Kak Ida's last day..
so went out to celebrate.. went to newton to eat..
wit her n the other swensen's staffs..
it was fun.. after eating.. we talked n crapped..
took a whole lot of photos.. which i haven gotten any til now..
after eating.. took cab to bukit timah to play pool..
played pool all the way to 7am..
Kak Ida n i waited for a cab..
we waited for more than half an hr before we got a fussy cab driver..
who dun wanna go to 2 places.. so i got down at kakak's place..
then took another cab.. thx kak for belanja-ing us all... =)

03/03, Monday:
So after i reachd home.. i din sleep..
i ironed clothes n then go out to bank at one raffles quay..
after paying my dad's bill..
meet up wit dhirah.. as promised..
but juz a lil' later.. sorie darL..
after meeting her at marina sq'a macD..
we went to buy tix for the movie which we had planned to watch..
so while waiting to go into the theatre..
we took a few photos.. bcos we realised dat..
evrytime we go out.. we never take photos wit each other..
so we bought nachos n popcorn.. n enjoyed the movie..
The Leap Years is reli a movie worth watching..
it's a reli touching story..
but sumtimes i wonder..
does tings like these happen in reality?
guess not too much huh...
but anws.. we sat at starbucks til 8pm after the movie..
enjoyed our java chip n mocha frappe..
n so sad.. Dat guy wasnt working.. =( But it's ok.. hehe
after finishing our drinks n small talks..
we made our way to vivo..
she wanted to buy her snickers dat night itself.. so, yeah.. i accompanied her..
it was a very quick trip.. then we went back separately.. we were very tired..
or it was more of i was the one who was tired.. lol =P

04/03, Tuesday:
i woke up early..
ok mayb not dat early..
ard my usual timing to wake up on holidays.. heh
accompanied my bro to Lavendar to make his IC..
after which i straight away went to work..
Feron Jie wanted me to learn cashiering..
cos the only ting i din learn at PS was cashiering n making ice creams n the beverages..
so then Glenda wanted to go k-box..
it was, of cos, expensive.. owing to the fact dat i haven got my pay yet..
so we went to play pool instead..
Izam, Iza, Hafiz, Glenda n me..
last game for pool was ard 2.30am..
we then chilled at entertainment's macD..
at 1st we only wanted to chill for awhile then go home..
but plans changed again as we were playing cards..
Glenda had the clever idea to gamble..
so i watched them.. Glenda's luck was late.. lol =)
so played cards til 1st bus in the morn..
oh oh!.. n i got a medium size coke for the price of $1.. hehe
thx macD guy.. =)

05/03, Wednesday:
went out wit azy n kavi..
1st.. ate lunch n watched vcds at azy's hse..
wit her, rizal, kavi n ramu (kavi's guy)..
after completing the 2 vcds..
we went to starbucks @ vivo..
drank n talked abt old times..
but more of updates on each other's lives..
then went to ayer rajah food court to eat dinner..
kavi had to go at ard 9+pm.. so ramu went to sent her home..
then it was Azy, Rizal n me.. ate til finish.. while talking..
then walked back home.. yes, u read rite..
walked from ayer rajah food court to our hse..
dat's ard half an hr's walk.. gd exercise..
then reachd Azy's blk.. sat for awhile..
talk, talk, talk.. laugh, laugh, laugh..
n then i went home..
it was gd catching up guys..
to kavi.. i dun nurse any grudges..
wat's past, is past..
let's keep the bad times we’ve had behind us.. =)

06/03 - 08/03, Thurday - Saturday:
i slept long2 on thurs..
n to b honest.. i cant reli remember wat i did these 3 days..
i oni rmmbrd working n then back home..
wake up the nxt day n off to work again..
so on sat nite after work..
Abg fetch me, as usual..
but that nite was along wit his cuz; Amri.. i tink dat's the name.. *oops*
so we went to eat at wcp's macD.. i oni drank a $1 coke while they ate..
cos i wasnt hungry.. i tink was too tired to eat.. or no appetite.. cant rmmbr..
so after dat.. went riding.. n then Abg sent me home..
i reachd home ard 5+am..
not dat sleepy.. but still went to sleep...

09/03, Sunday:
noting much happened to day..
went for madrasah..
was half-awake-asleep..
n then go work at 2pm..
after which.. home sweet home...

10/03, Monday:
i went to work as usual..
after work, went home late again..
tis time, played pool wit Dinath, Izam n Glenda..
after which, we sat outside LJS n talked abt wat's been happening in the outlet..
we talk3 n din realised dat it was already 4+am..
so Din decided dat we all take cab home..
took the same cab..
sent me home 1st, then himself, then Glenda, lastly Izam...

11/03, Tuesday:
worked as per normal..
after work, ate at Entertainment's macds..
wit Kak Aisyah, Abg Irsyad, Abg Shahrul, Aisyah, Iza n Hafiz..
caught the last bus home..
n then walked home from interchange...

12/03, Wednesday:
Off today..
actually i had to attend the leadership course in campus..
but i woke up late.. and felt lazy..
so i slacked at home the whole day.. to cover the lackness of energy..
plus, i haven really been spending time at home anw…

13/03, Thursday:
worked 12-11pm.. did cashier for the 3rd time..
finally getting the hang of it.. slowly.. but surely..
after work, lepak wit Huda n Izam n Glenda til 3am+, after playing pool wit them plus Kak Ida n Abg Shahrul..
Glenda came from camp.. so quite obvious that she was tired..
but still stubborn wanna stay til 1st bus..
i called Wak Razak to come pick us and sent us home..
thx wak.. =)
so he sent Glenda 1st, then Izam then Huda n me…

14/03, Friday:
worked n did cashier again..
today, i learnt how to pack cake n stuffs like dat..
covered almost all.. except for online cake ordering ting..
n cake counting n stuffs.. quite confusing uh..
then went to newton to celebrate Guan's last day..
took Dinath car.. blast the stereo.. was woohooo!..
BUT scary.. cos he drives like a mad man..
like he's racing or sumting.. 120km/h on normal lanes..
so imagine on the highway in the car wit him..
swerve the car.. change lanes w/o much warning..
we whined down the windows..
so Kelly Jie’s n Glenda's hair was all over the place.. my selendang too.. =)
Fuad was holding tight at the front seat.. but it was cool.. heh
then after eating, ard 2+am.. the rest wanted to go drinking..
i called Abg to pick me up.. waited til ard 3am.. the rest waited wit me..
he came, they left, we left.. but we din go home straight..
went lepak at bukit batok wit Abg’s frens..
after which ard 5am.. he sent me back home..
n then he went back to lepak wit them…

15/03, Saturday:
dad’s bday today.. sadly.. i cudnt get off..
so wished him happy bday and then off to work..
work today.. was bz as hell..
almost went crazy.. very tiring..
customers kept coming in after tables were cleared..
long queue at the front.. n by 8+pm..
evry1 was sooo tired n lazy to entertain the customers..
including the manager; Kak Aisyah.. pity her..
but we still haf to.. cos it’s our job..
n guess wat.. sales for the day.. 11+k..
that’s a lot compared to other Saturdays..
no wonder it was bz and tiring til we cud all go crazy..
n luckily.. the customers werent that much of a bitch..
i oni encounter 1 bitch of a customer..
who really made me curse and swear..
n that stupid Raaaymond..
our outlet chef.. I really hate him for now, I swear I hate him..
I hate him so much that I wish I cud punch him in his face..
uurggghhh… so infuriating..
can i complain to the area chef?.. plz..
y did u even promote him to outlet chef..
u shud haf promoted Alex a.k.a Ah Fat instead..
he’s way better.. uurghh…
ok so after work.. Abg sent me home straight..
actually he had planned for us to meet Danny Kor to go eat together..
but we were tired.. so straight home..
after reaching my place, sat at the carpark at my blk for awhile..
we talked.. then I went home.. slept all the way til morning…

16/03, Sunday:
was so tired to even wake up for madrasah..
today is the submission for our assessment ting..
and I totally forgotten to do 1 assignment..
so din go anw.. got up at ard 12+pm..
went to work at 2pm.. was tired.. but still ok..
lucky not as tiring.. tho managers expected an early crowd…

17/03, Monday:
slept all the way to 1+pm..
again, to make up for the lack of sleep..
Razis’s b’day today..
Happy B’Day Razis !!!!
already gave him bday wishes personally earlier on in the morning; 12am..
then i slacked all the way.. was home alone..
til ard 4+pm.. when my bro came home..
but then he went out to play I tink..
it feels nice to b at home the whole day.. alone at dat..
so then after sooo long.. i switched on my lappy..
it feels soo gd to b able to do my stuffs again today..
was chatting wit quite a no. of ppl..
whom i haven been chatting wit for a long time..
thx Danny Kor.. u made my day.. u’re the best.. =)
hopefully we’ll meet up on of these days ok..
now that im free.. heh
so then.. i was writing this very long, long post when suddenly..
i lost my internet connection..
darn it.. so i hafta wait for the nxt day to publish it…

18/03, Tuesday :
So today..
im completing this very, long, long post dat I haf been typing since yesterday..
but i haven been able to publish it..
so i’ll juz include today’s events as well..
din haf anyting planned..
cos basically.. im kinda half broke..
cos i haven gotten my pay yet..
i haven gotten the last 2 months’ pay to b exact..
so, yeah.. the reason y im almost broke now..
n that is y.. im gonna stay home..
help out wit necessary house work..
n catch up on tings i’ve been missing these past few weeks…

Well, anw..
BIG news ppl..
my exams results coming out tmr..
at 6am in the morning..
can hardly wait..
but at the same time..
i dun feel like knowing my results..
sumhow.. i haf a feeling that I din do well for it.. *gulp*
oh wells.. i deserved it, dun i...
n so i haf a feeling dat i cant sleep tonite... =s

Unsure...

2008-02-28T23:49:00.002+08:00

I Think I'm Moving...

.... But I Go Nowhere.....

... n the ppl ard me..

... juz makes it..

... so much harder...

Exams Are Over!

2008-02-28T00:51:00.003+08:00

As u all already noe..
maths paper was crap..
while i prayed hard dat the next 2 papers wud b alrite..
i studied harder for them..
i studied EC like crazy a day before the exams..
n then the paper turned out quite easy..
confident as i was to fail DE..
after studying for it..
the paper turned out to b quite easy as well..
it was do-able for me..
or so.. i tink.. heh
insyaallah...

so.. gd for me, for actually making the effort to go study..
tho most of the time i wasnt reli in the mood to..
but MOST importantly..
Credits goes to my frens, Zainab, Saiful N Razis...

I thank u guys:
For caring for me..
For caring for my grades..
For having those study groups..
For pushing me towards studying..
For forcing me to go n study wit u guys..
For encouraging me evrytime i feel like giving up..
For being there when i needed u guys when i was helpless..
For being the most understanding of frens dat i cud ever have..
Last but not least.. Thx For Being My FRENS.. I LUV U Guys... =)

A Visit To Today's Horoscope....

2008-02-22T15:57:00.001+08:00

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 21)

The Bottom Line

More than ever before, letting things go today will make you feel good and proud.

In Detail
More than on any other single day in your recent past, letting things go today will make you feel oh-so-good. This is a great day to lighten your emotional load and say farewell to grudges, anger and control issues. Step back from all the decision-making responsibilities you have held onto for so long -- let someone else make the plans and do the worrying! While you're at it, forgive that friend who keeps messing things up. They're doing their best, and they'll be coming around soon enough.

n soo.. i haf..
actually.. i haf no idea y i posted tis today..
may be bcos im bored..
or.. i dunno.. i juz felt like posting tis in... =)

Math Paper...

2008-02-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

Was total CRAP!

oh wells..

noting can change anyting now anw..

so anw, thx for tryna get me a calculator Dba..

but im so sorie.. i din noe how to use the 1 u brought for me.. =s

so after i finished the paper, which was ard 5.20pm, i went out n gave the calculator back to Kai (thx.. n thk Hanim for me)..

then met the rest after 10-30mins of waiting for them..

they went on babbling n debating n quarelling abt the sums n the ans to it..

it's over u guys..

wat's done is done.. sheesh...

so we all had to get our minds of the bloody paper..

n since evry1 (the usual + Fazdli) wanted to eat, we went to causeway's banquet..

after eating n talking.. n still goin on abt the math paper..

we decided to walk ard for awhile..

after which.. Faz n i wanted to get our Frappes at Starbucks..

so we went to Civics..

n then we all, Zai, Sai, Zis n me, come to noe dat our dear FAZ..

dunno how to deposit money to account..

hahaha!.. sorie Faz.. juz needed to mention dat.. =P

so after dat, Zai freaked out cos of sumbody she saw at Starbucks..

but we finally persuade her dat it's gonna b ok..

so then we found a spot..

saw kak Dillah n her bf there..

hope he gets better soon uh..

then initially Faz wanted to get mocha frappe..

but sumhow he changed his mind..

cos he wanted to try Java Chip Frappe..

so we ended up sharing..

we sat there for abt..

hmm.. let's see.. more than 2 hrs?..

i tink uh.. cant rmmbr..

we were talking.. n laughing..

n then the planning on where to study n all..

n finally.. went home..

so now im at home.. tinking..

if i reli wanna join them tmr... hmmmmm.....

------------------------------------------------------------

so next ting is...

i juz DUN understand y SUM ppl..

CAN'T stand seeing others HAPPY..

i juz DUN understand y SUM ppl tink dat they're so important n USEFUL for other ppl to take ADVANTAGE n USE them..

no offense uh.. but reli..

GO GET A LIFE ALREADY..

SUM ppl always tink there's sumting wrong wit evryone else..

but haf they EVER stopped n TINK for a second, or mayb a minute or so..

dat THEY'RE the ones who's NOT RITE?

I GUESS NOT...

so there's these SUM other ppl who DUN listen to both sides of the STORY n BLINDY BELIEVE watever the other party says/tells..

like OMG, r u ppl dumb??

PLZ get the FACTS RITE 1ST before u ppl actually give the STUPID FACE N LOOK to the ones who are IN FACT, INNOCENT....

I FEEL SO SORIE for u ppl, who cant SEE the TRUTH.....

-------------------------------------------------------------

... im sorie but actully...

...i never reli told u guys tis...

... dat actually...

...im kinda prepared...

Home Alone...

2008-02-18T18:04:00.002+08:00

i woke up tis morning..
checked my hp..
stared at the ceiling..
laze in bed for awhile..
before realising dat i was at home alone..
so i tot i felt hungry..
i got up n evryting, before i cooked maggi for myself..
halfway thru eating..
i felt full..
but i still sumhow finished it anw..
watched tv for a while..
changed from channel to channel..
from MTV, to HBO, to nick, to disney, to cartoon network..
n then i juz had to shut it off..
was on the lappy..
blogged for awhile while listening to songs..
n then im bored again...

i din noe dat it cud b dead boring to b at home alone..
bcos i've always liked to b home alone..
but anws..
i noe i nid to at least get out..
my younger bro juz reached home..
so i tink im gonna get dressed..
n go out for a while...

Sumting's Wrong...

2008-02-17T02:49:00.000+08:00

i was out studying wit the usual ppl..
Razis, Zainab n Saiful..
but i wasnt reli studying..
ok.. i wasnt studying at all..
i was listening to music on my hp (my mp3 died on mon)..
at the same time reading a book..
weird ting is.. i was reading.. i noe i was..
but i din reli noe or even absorbing wat i was reading..
there's sumting wrong.. n i noe it..
haiz.. but ting is..
i dunno wat is wrong..
there's too many tings dat r wrong..
mayb it's all these tings happening ard me dat i pretend dat it's not happening..
or mayb... it's juz me....

i hafta get myself to study..
i noe i have to..
sorie Zai n Razis..
i noe im worrying u guys..
but dun worry..
i'll pull myself together back..
in time for the exams...

juz got back from work..
Abg Paul sent me home..
n surprisingly, im not dat tired..
covered Iza, cos she was on MC n then there were short of staffs..
i nid to go to sleep..
cos there's religious class tmr early in the morning...

V Day...

2008-02-14T23:52:00.001+08:00

so i dun celebrate tis day on the calendar..
dun ask me the reason y.. i just dun..
so apologies to the 2 guys whom i turned down..
bkn tk sudi... juz... not on tis day...

so usually evry yr on tis day..
i'll most likely b at home.. or working..
but tis yr..
i met up wit my dear pri sch gurl fren, Nadhirah aka B1.. =)
we haven reli been in contact dat much..
so since she dun celebrate tis day as well..
we decide to go out..
i wanted to go study for a bit wit Zai, Saiful n Razis..
sorie guys cos i had to run sum errands for my mum..
i was even late meeting Dhirah... =S

went to far east plaza to get sumting..
after which, we made our way to suntec..
bought yami yogurt, n her pretzels or sumting..
then we walked slowly to one fullerton..
decided to sit at Starbuck's..
we sat outside, enjoying the breeze, while talking n catching up..
there was a lot to talk abt..
n a lot to laugh abt..
after a while.. i crave for a Java Chip Frappe..
actually.. i did had Java Chip Frappe the day before..
but heck.. it's addictive.. =)
so we went in n got ourselves a Java Chip Frappe n a bananarama muffin or sumting..
n shucks!.. i was all blur in front at the cashier..
i knew i shud haf let Dhirah ordered for us instead.. lol
but anws..
we decided to make it our next hang out place.. heh *hints to dhirah*

oh anws..
we were planning for another date..
from wat to wear n when, etc..
haha.. deciding the date was the hardest..
cos she's always bz.. heh
the only ting i'll b bz wit after exams wud b work..
so yeah.. the date has to b ok wit her..
we promised each other to keep in touch thru watever means possible..
n dat after my exams..
it'll b hang out time.. =)
so im looking forward to 3rd march..
at the same time.. hoping there'll b no change of plans...

I Tink...

2008-02-13T22:21:00.001+08:00

I Messed Up....

... Plz Dun Let It Be Bcos Of Me....

Sum1 Plz Tell Me....

2008-02-03T22:01:00.000+08:00

I dunno which is worst....

[1] That he already noes...

[2] That he doesn't react...

... i can feel the pressure...

... n it's kinda torturing me....

Dear Boy...

2008-01-30T02:58:00.000+08:00

... If Only You Know...

... AND OH MY GOD...

... HE KNOWS....

Crush Crush Crush....

2008-01-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

I got a lot to say to you

Yeah, I got a lot to say

I noticed your eyes are always glued to me

Keeping them here and it makes no sense at all

They taped over your mouth,

Scribbled out the truth with their lies

Your little spies

They taped over your mouth,

Scribbled out the truth with their lies

Your little spies

Crush, Crush, Crush, Crush, Crush

(1, 2, 3, 4)

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone

Just the one, two I was just counting on

That never happens

I guess I'm dreaming again

Let's be more than this

If you want to play it like a game

Well come on, come on let's play

'Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending

Than have to forget you for one whole minute

They taped over your mouth,

Scribbled out the truth with their lies

Your little spies

They taped over your mouth,

Scribbled out the truth with their lies

Your little spies

Crush, Crush, Crush, Crush, Crush

(1, 2, 3, 4)

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone

Just the one, two I was just counting on

That never happens

I guess I'm dreaming again

Let's be more than this, now

Rock and roll baby,

Don't you know that we're all alone now

I need something to sing about

Rock and roll honey,

Don't you know, baby we're all alone now

I need something to sing about

Rock and roll hey,

Don't you know, baby we're all alone now

Give me something to sing about

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone

Just the one, two I was just counting on

That never happens

I guess I'm dreaming again

Let's be more than, no

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone

Just the one, two I was just counting on

That never happens

I guess I'm dreaming again

Let's be more than

More than this

Ohh Hmm

it's been months....

from the 1st time i saw u..

i haf never said a word abt it to any1..

i never knew ur name..

i only admired u from a distance..

n when i finally did..

when i finally said sumting to sum1..

when i finally knew ur name..

i've come to realised dat..

it'll oni b a few more weeks before i wun get to see u ever again...

... n im counting down the days til then..

... wondering if we'll ever talk..

... wondering if we'll ever meet again...

1st Day Back To Work...

2008-01-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

1st lesson of the day.. PCB..
n i was, as usual, late..
n worst part is..
i forgot my class room, AND, none of my frens's hp has network coverage at sat point of time..
darn BLK S..
but anws.. the lecturer called n i din ans..
i managed to finish up on soldering the batt n speakers..
wit the help of Razis..
who also helped me in completing my DE project last week (thurs)..
he has been sucha great help..
thx a lot buddy...

N yes, i noe.. after wat seems like a long time..
i finally got back to work..
tho it's in a different outlet..
there wasnt much of a difference..
except for the envioronment n ppl there...

hmm.. let's see..
Syamim wasnt working..
n i bet.. he haven been for a long time..
fuad was working, in fountain (means making the ice cream n beverages)..
kak ida not working, off..
so there was Sir Azlan n Mdm Kelly, whom i never saw before..
Guan n Irsyad.. (malas nk include the 'sir')
Iza n Ibrahim, n another 2 chinese ppl, Glenda n Qi Wei...

so the 1st day of work was gd..
but obviously tiring..
bcos it's been quite a while since i last stand for hrs..
my legs were a bit sore..
n now.. *yawns*
im soo sleepy..
n i dun tink i'll wake up tmr for CI n DE lecture..
Ci tutorial, depends..
hmmm.....

Again...

2008-01-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

i dunno when he'll gif up..
1 more date?..
i can gif him dat..
but he gotta face it..
it reli wun make any difference anymore..
noting he do or say now can change my mind..
n the feeling's barely there anymore...

all i can say to him is..
i hope he understands n..
im sorry..
dat feeling i haf had for him 4 yrs ago, which comes n goes..
juz faded for him a few months ago..
n there's noting i cud do abt it..
he changed.. i changed..
evryting's changed...

... Food...

2008-01-20T03:57:00.000+08:00

i haf no idea y i ate so much today..
went to Ayer Rajah Food Court to eat..
tho there was food at home..
it was some kinda celebration..
for wat.. i seriously dunno..
so juz went.. (i was actually very lazy to go cos i din feel like eaing out)
but then.. when we were there..
there was soo many tings dat i wanna eat..
very surprising..
so i ate Indian rojak, satay, a lil bit of kway teow kuah, n ice kacang..
i was feeling very bloated after eating..
decided dat probably walking home (1/2hr-45mins) wud help digest food quikly.. heh..
so walked home wit Ibu n Ilham..
was a very nice walk..
they surroundings were quite serene, except for the traffic..
the night was breezy..
it's bee a while since i last felt tis kind of peaceful-ness..
not counting the fact dat my mum n bro was there wit me...

so now..
after all the delicious food n calming walk..
after the headache-game dat kai intro-ed..
i shud probably go to sleep..
madrasah is on next morning..
nitez to all...

ps: oh oh.. n nutella is addictive.. heh =)

After A Night's Thinking....

2008-01-18T01:26:00.000+08:00

Life doesn't hurt until you tink about...

How much things have changed... ,

Who you've lost along the way... ,

And how much of it was your fault.....

It Is Easier.....

2008-01-16T22:08:00.000+08:00

... to hide it than to show it...
... to say dat evryting's fine than to admit dat noting is rite...
... to talk n make noises than to stay shut n silent...
... to advise sumone than to take advice from sumone...
... to pretend to b happy than to show u're not...
... to smile than to sulk...
... to dream n fantasize than to b in the real world n face reality...
... to run away from evryting than to stay n try to fix tings...

... n i thk god...

... for i was able to smile throughout my interview....

Some Tings R Better Left Unsaid....

2008-01-07T04:42:00.000+08:00

most of the time...

many of us...

SAY too much...

SHOW too much...

THINK too much...

CARE too much...

n so on so forth...

haiz..
i dunno y..
but god knows how many times i re-read them over n over again..
n evrytime i read them..
it only gets harder n harder to breathe..
n i juz dunno y...

mayb there's so much to say..
mayb there's so much dat i CAN say..
but i guess sum tings..
r better left unsaid..
mayb there's much to QTN..
but do these qns get answrd?..
not all qns have ans..
not all qns can b answrd..
a lot of qns leave ppl to wondering n pondering over it...

.... n so i shall end here...

.... for some things are better left unsaid...

p.s: i might not blog for some time.. or mayb.. not ever anymore...

New Year...

2008-01-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

heyhey..
happy new yr to all..
hope u guys had a nice celebration n started the yr nicely... =)

hmm..
skul's starting for a lot of students..
so here comes the new resolutions, blah blah blah..
i never reli had resolutions..
n even if i did..
i dun rmmbr sticking to it anw..
so i'll juz wish for future happiness, gd luck, more learning experiences, n all the other stuffs dat any1 cud ever wish for..
Last but not least..
a smoother journey ahead for me...

A Tiring Week....

2007-12-30T23:58:00.000+08:00

hmm..
I can oni recall being tired tis whole week..
n let's see wat i actually did so far...

MON:
Went to take passport size photo at Lavendar (ICA building) for my diving license, which shud haf been taken long ago..
n then went to VivoCity to ajak my bros walk2..
then meet Zai..
supposed to go for interview..
but then they lost our application form..
so we hafta fill in another application form n then she said she'll call us to tell wat time's our interview on wed..
so then my parents ajak Zai along to go eat at Swensen's at Holland..
i can say dat Zai did eat quite a lot..
tho for me..
dat was quite little..
my bros teased her n stuff..
im sure they had a gd time..
but anws, she did get home a lil later than usual...

TUE:
It's Christmas..
so went out wit my family to JB..
watched 2 movies, buy clothes..
ate a lot of tings..
n i still cant get enouf..
i still wanna buy bags n shoes n etcs..
i wanna haf another trip there!..
w/o my bros of cos..
they were such.. hmm..
i dunno wat word to use to describe how they were..
they juz spoiled my mood to shop n walk ard City Square..
so yeah..
looking forward to another trip there..
n we reached home ard 12+..
missed the last bus home..
so ended up taking taxi halfway thru...

WED, THURS, FRI, SAT:
slack at home..
watch tv..
laze ard..
it was so nice to relax after days of goin out consecutively...

TODAY:
went to kenduri in the afternoon at Yishun..
after which my dad met up wit us after work..
n then wanted to bring us to go eat ice cream at Swensen's..
n i haf come to realised..
we haf been goin to eat at Swensen's a lot of times in a week since last week..
oh anw.. we paid using the vouchers my dad got from work..
so no biggie actually..
if we had to use our own $$$..
it'll b on special occasions oni..
dat's a diff case...

So tmr wud b the start of skul..
n it's new yr's eve..
n i've got my schedule pack for tmr.. =)
gonna go skul..
skul's gonna end at 1pm..
n then make my way to Orchard, Lucky plaza to submit my photos for the diving license..
then go straight to Clementi Sports Hall for badminton..
n then go back, play soccer at the street soccer court..
after which go home.. eat or sumting..
then shower.. then make our way to......

WEST COAST PARK..
we plan to ton the nite there..
hope it's goin to b Fun FuN FUN!..
n then mayb new yr itself.. we shall go sumwhere or spent the whole day playing soccer or sumting..
haa.. so looking forward... =)

Suppressing Evryting... N Dunno Wat Exactly To Feel...

2007-12-20T22:09:00.001+08:00

hmm..
it's been almost a week since i last updated/posted sumting..
i guess dat's not reli dat long rite..
but anws..
im not sure if there's reli anyting to blog abt these days...

i do a lot of tinking these days..
n i juz haf no idea y..
i guess.. dat's juz me..
always tinking abt sumting evry other day, evry nite before i go to sleep..
sumhow i realised..
time has been passing by so fast..
YET so slow..
sumtimes i wish i cud freeze time..
sumtimes i wish i cud fast forward the time..
sumtimes i wish i can juz go back to the past..
n sum other times..
i juz feel like taking time in my own hands so dat i can do anyting wit it..
u noe.. like..
fast forwarding, going back in time, as n when i like, dat kinda ting..
but of cos.. it's all juz wishful tinking on my part...

.... trapped in the past...

.... can't keep up wit the present...

.... can i handle the future?...

during the nite when only my dad, mum n me were left alone to anyam the ketupats..

there was tis discussion..

n from the discussion..

i cud c dat most of the times..

my parents' views on stuffs collide..

do opposites reli attract??..

i dun wanna comment anyting dat was talked abt during dat lil 'discussion'..

for.. wat i tink.. is wat i tink..

n nobody else reli has to noe...

to DAT boy..

i reli dunno wat else u want from me..

yes.. i did like u..

n mayb i still do like u a lil now..

but it's all fading away..

it's been yrs now..

i dun tink u've been reli serious abt it.. abt me..

n mayb now dat u do..

i dun reli feel the same way as i had before..

i dun wanna ans ur calls..

nor ur smses anymore..

i noe u dunno n dun understand y im suddenly like tis..

dat's mainly bcos evrytime when u 'come' back..

i'll always treated u the same way before..

but now.. it's different..

tings hafta change..

cos if they dun..

u'll never realise ur.. hmm.. mistakes..?

or wateva it is dat u're doin to me...

.... im sorie i hafta do tis...

.... i reli m...

.... it was a decision i hafta make...

.... n i made it...

so today..

is Hari Raya Haji..

evry1 is goin to their grandparent's..

while i..

m at home watching tv..

watching the telemovies dat suria n M'sia's rtmS r showing..

hmm...

there's sumting abt the telemovies during Hari Raya HajiS..

dat never fail to make me cry..

hmm.. most probably.. it's the valuable lesson n values to learn behind it..

or mayb.. it's juz sumting dat's happening n nobody reli ever realise it..

oh wells..

so im sitting at home wit my family..

not raya-ing like evry1 else..

haiz.. i dun understand y tis started..

n how long it'll b on before it ends..

talking abt the sacrifices dat ppl hafta make..

does sacrificing one's ego included?..

cos if it does.. im reli wishing dat DAT SUM1 wud.. *sighs*

but in cases like tis..

im juz a KID..

i haf no say..

it's ADULT'S stuff..

yeah.. wateva..

it's always the ladies dat hafta make the great sacrifice... *sighs heavily*

suddenly today..

tis particular day..

i miss evry1 dat had been INTO n OUTTA my life..

there r sum dat i miss more..

while others, i juz miss the times dat we had spent together..

tho it's impossible to meet up evryday n stuffs..

simple gestures n msgs shows me dat im not forgotten..

as much as they r not..

hmm.. reason y i suddenly miss evry1?..

mayb it's bcos of the songs dat i've been listening to recently..

r the songs dat i like listening to yrs back..

n i still rmmbr the times when we actually sang together to it..

make a joke out of it..

sumting dat happened dat is related to it..

n today, i hafta admit..

i do miss the times dat we spent together..

i dunno y we ended up tis way..

but i guess.. wat happened..

was for the best..

for both of us..

i cudnt hold on to sumting dat wasnt reli there anymore..

u're happy rite now..

while.. i am.. happy too..?

my 2 frens FINALLY made it together a couple of days back..
im happy for u guys u noe..
at last sumting worked out between u 2..
tho i tink dat it shud haf worked out long ago..
n tho sum ppl r against it..
if u guys r happy..
noting else reli matters.. =)

but plz.. dun fight evry other time.. =P

oh well..

i can see dat we're colder to each other now..

or so i tink so..

i noe there is sumting wrong..

i can feel it..

but i juz cant put my finger on wat it reli is..

is my instincts betraying me rite now?..

haiz.. i tink.. sumting did happened huh..

but it makes us.. keep a lot of stuffs..

to ourselves now..

or mayb it's juz me?..

i dun reli noe..

but wateva it is..

if dat's (wateva the 'dat' is) helping u.. in any way..

then it's a gd ting...

i'll b happy for u... =)

Hadi cant wait for tmr..

so m i..

finally..

sum exercise wid!..

badminton..

n then soccer..

n lotsa fun!..

umm.. i sure hope there'll b lotsa fun..

i dun reli wanna keep my mind on stuffs for too long..

n i dun reli wanna show it..

not to my parents..

not to my frens..

not to anybody...

it's juz ME ....

.... Supressing evryting...

.... n not knowing wat exactly to feel...

sighs

2007-12-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

I had a decision to make....

.... n i made it...

...... i tink.....

Speechless....

2007-12-07T20:33:00.000+08:00

haiz..
i tot u knew..
dat i dun wanna hurt anybody..
n u told me to do juz dat last night..
i dunno when u will ever understand it..
n obviously.. dat time when u told me to..
it was reli a bad timing..
n now..
u tell me to forget wat u said bcos u were stressed n tinking too much, etc..
u gotta understand..
dat once sumting's been said..
it juz cannot b taken back..
i dunno wat else to do..
i reli dun..
so now..
u tell me wat to do...

.... cos the hurt dat i feel inside...

.... is a thousand times painful...

.... n i dun tink u even noe it.....

I Cannot Do Tis Anymore... haiz

2007-12-06T23:48:00.000+08:00

i reli dun understand y u like to do tis to me..
for yrs.. u haf always come n gone whenever u feel like it..
i've been tryna forget u..
but evrytime it progresses n the feelings kinda fade away..
u'd juz suddenly appear..
as if noting's wrong..
n u do all the tings dat u do..
to make me smile, n laugh n all..
u reli gotta stop doin tis..
i wanna move on..
i wanna move on n find sum1 who'll appreciate me more than u do..
so plz... juz plz..
stop it..
juz stop it...
i cannot do tis anymore..
i reli cant..
im so sorie....

.... n im not shedding any tears for u...

.... as i haf always been before...

The Competition...

2007-12-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

today was a very busy day..
went very late for Jacky's lecture..
but sumhow i convinced him to mark my attendance.. heh..
after which was DE lecture..
it was ok.. i understood wat he was tryna teach us..
but sumhow.. i was soo sleepy..
i cudnt wait to get out of the LT..
so rite after DE lecture, Kak Zai n me went to the club room to meet the rest..
after which we waited for Kak Dillah before goin to TFA's (theatre for the arts) backstage..
we waited for the singers to get ready before we make up for them..
so while waiting..
we did quite a lot of tings..
we ate n talked..
after which took lotsa funny pics..
we had fun..
we also had the time to wipe away the spilled green tea..
n when they finally got ready, we make-up almost all of them..
even the guys..
n all of them were friendly.. n funny...

after we're done..
we got free tix to watch the competition..
so we went.. tinking dat it'll b fun..
but of cos.. not as expected..
the solos n duets were horrible.. no offense..
but i was reli impressed wit the young composers category..
i luv the songs dat they composed..
it was reli nice.. all 3 of them..
but it's a pity..
dat all of them din get prize.. =(
oh well..
after the performance ended, we went to eat..
Kak Lyz, Kak Has, Kak Dillah, Kak Zai n me..
while eating, we discussed abt our next outing..
hope dat it'll b a blast..
n i juz found out.. there's course for us on the 22nd dec.. cool..

Make-up For Cuzzin...

2007-12-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

i cancelled the study plan wit Kai today..
bcos after skul today..
i needed to go to my cuzzin's hse..
i hafta do her make-up for her..
cos she's haveing a prom night after finishing her As..
so Kak Yana n me dressed her up n gave her ideas..
we were kept bz.. being her PA for prom night.. lol
so after looking at her outfit n hair-do, which she did it today b4 coming home to make-up..
i decided on wat type of make-up to do on her..
i tink it took abt an hr plus to get her make-up done..
cos she cant sit still!.. lol
n after evryting was done..
woahh!!.. she looked hot!..
it's very rare n hard to see her dress up n wear make-up..
even eye liner..
so yea.. we sent her down to hail a cab..
n there goes our hot princess wit her fren..
to the prom...

back at my aunt's place..
we ate.. n talked..
abt a lot of stuffs..
n it kinda help me understand Kak Yana even more..
i stayed til abt 10+pm..
then went to take the direct bus to my hse..
i nearly din wake up n miss my stop..
so now im home..
feeling kinda satisfied n happy wit myself..
knowing dat my make-up skills haf kinda improved... =P

Juz So Random...

2007-12-02T23:10:00.000+08:00

Im a pampered child... =)

oh oh.. and I met hakkim..
totally unexpected n coincidental..

And… The world’s a small place...

The Chalet...

2007-12-01T15:06:00.000+08:00

heyhey..
i went for the chalet yesterday anw..
it was great..
meeting n making new frens..
well.. actually another few frens oni..
cos the rest i met b4..
n the new ones wud b Hakim=Kai's bro, Michelle=Hadi's gf n Fara=Rashid's gf..
plus Hadi's family n Kai's cuzzin bro..
waited too long for Jae to come..
n when she was there oredy..
we all oredy went to play soccer..
so she stayed at the chalet n wait for us to return..
which of cos.. was a lil late..
cos the boys was too bz playing soccer..
dat they asked the gurls to go back 1st..
so Michelle n me went back to start the bbq fire..
which Kai tot dat even when they got back, the fire still not started yet..
while Farah waited for Rashid to finish playing b4 the both of them go n take the satay..
so when they got back from soccer..
the fire was oredy started by us..
so Kai was wrong.. =P
we managed to start the fire..
wit the help of Hakim.. thx Kim.. =)
after which was juz bbq-ing n eating..
talking n joking ard..
n then it was time.. for me to go home..
i took the 2nd last train back home..
n sumting funny happened when i was abt to reach commonwealth..
shant tell u guys abt it.. *buek*
n so i was back home.. b4 1am...

so now im at home..
juz relaxing n doing my stuffs..
quite bored at home..
but better than goin out..
cos im quite tired too... =)

.... i was so glad dat i went...

.... bcos it kept me bz wit fun...

.... n away from the memories...

.... nevertheless...

.... Happy Birthday to u...

Random...

2007-11-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

I want dat $99 Solvil Titus Watch !!!

.... n i cant wait for tmr...

Nearly Forgot....

2007-11-28T02:33:00.000+08:00

Juz got bored of the pic on my blog..
So decided to change it..
Wit a lil help on the codes dat I dunno about, from kai..
After which, I went to read his blog..
Reading his blog, or rather, wat was on his post..
Actually made my long lost tears come out..
Din actually tink dt he’d post about wat he did and read..
Haiz..
there was a reason y i said it cudnt b more coincidental....

I nearly forgot about the previous posts that I haf..
Rmmbring dat I haf it itself is enouf to make tears roll down my cheeks..
But since it oredy did..
I decided to ‘look back’..
I read up on the posts..
No doubt.. it made more tears roll down..
So eventually I tot to myself.. dat I wun b able go to sleep tonite..
But I tink.. it really was a gd cry..
For i’ve hold them back for too long oredy..
It was time to let them out..
But sumhow.. they let themselves out…
there was no stopping them..
it was endless....

.... n i wanna tell u...

.... these few days...

.... i wun reli b myself...

.... u'll noe when the time comes.....

U Do Not Understand...

2007-11-27T01:47:00.000+08:00

There r sum tings in our live dat sumtimes r hard to understand..
At the same time, there’s certain tings in our daily lives dat reminds us of the past..
dat.. I expect u to understand..
bcos u noe wat it’s like..
But wat u dun understand is that..
Whoever u tink that I m rite now..
Might not b wat u tink I m..
U dunno me..
Nor do u understand..
It’s hard understanding n knowing the real me..
So stop pretending like u do...

Wat I Want For Now Is....

2007-11-25T22:47:00.000+08:00

Today..
i looked back n tot..
dat it has always been very fun to talk to u..
even til now..
there'll b random topics.. n stuffs to talk abt..
i tink sumtimes we do run outta tings to talk abt..
but it's never for long..
we’ll always come up wit sumting new to disturb each other abt..
n i dun even noe y... =)

Wat i want now is..
for tings to continue being tis way...
to stay the way they are now...
i dun want anyting to change...
mainly bcos..
i dunno wat the outcome will b..
or wat the ending will b..
if we are sumting else..
n if tings dun work out the way we tink it'll b...

dat's my prob..
im not sure of myself..
nor u..
nor 'us'...

I Haf Been Tinking...

2007-11-24T23:53:00.000+08:00

i realised dat im always updating my blog very late..
a bit like lagging.. lol
like, u'll oni see my post today, which actually oredy passed 2-5 days ago..
haha.. but seriously..
if i haf all the time in the world..
i wud update evryday on time after doin the tings dat i wanna do dat is...

oh wells..
in anws..
i've been doin a lot of tinking lately..
so much dat..
i dun reli noe if it's worth tinkin abt at all..
ok.. now it sounds as if im not making sense..
it's juz dat.. i tink..
dat mayb.. n juz mayb dat..
im giving the wrong signals..
even tho u said im not..
n i reli hope dat i haven been treating u any differently..
like i did the time before.. n now..
it's juz.. not dat.. nice?..
well.. mayb im the oni 1 who tinks so..
but seriously.. i dun want any1 to get hurt..
tis is juz small steps taken to make sure..
ahhh.. im getting headaches from all of tis tinking...

n secondly..
wat's up wit ppl not being able to make up their mind??
it's like.. if u like sum1.. then juz like him/her..
if u dun like him/her.. then juz tell him/her..
dun keep sum1 hanging like dat..
it's not a nice feeling to hang ard, not knowing if it's gonna happen or not..
if u want him/her to wait, then juz say so..
dun let the other person assume tings dat might lead to sumting else..
and QUIT playing wit the heart...

Definition Of Sorry...

2007-11-23T02:43:00.000+08:00

The Definition Of Sorry:-

1. Feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.
2. Regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic.
3. Sorrowful, grieved, or sad.
4. Associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal.
5. Wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful.
6. Used interjectionally as a conventional apology or expression of regret.

... n i reli tink dat it's an overused word...

... u cud haf juz told me...

... there was no nid to lie abt it...

Yesterday Was...

2007-11-21T23:10:00.000+08:00

sorie for not posting on yesterday's events..
came home quite late..
wait.. very late actually..
so here i am, posting abt it...

i had pcb & prototype lab test early morning..
n i was earlier than usual.. but still late actually..
but juz in time b4 she mark my name on the attendance list..
n the test, it was ok.. not dat hard as i tot it'd b..
then it was EC lecture..
the most boooorrriiinnnggg n hated lecture ever..
i neva reli paid attention to his lecture anw..
wat i did was.. played psp evrytime..
*oops*.. imma bad student..
yes i am.. no doubt abt it..
oh anws..
after skul was over..
i ate wit kak nurul n mas n co. ..
n then wait for Razis, Is n kak Atiqah to come..
n also Kai..
then they ate, i watched..
after which, we talked n joked ard a bit..
n Is ended up giving me a nickname which doesnt reli make sense..
he called me a goldfish.. wth..
seriously like, in wat way does it resembles me..
i mean.. gold fish haf BIG EYES.. mine r SMALL.. rite?..
no resemblence at all seh..
weird Iskandar...

but anws.. after dat they made their way to class n we (Razis, Kai n me) made our way to Mustafa Centre..
we spent ard more than half an hr at Mustafa Centre..
n spent almost 3 hrs at sim lim..
not including the journey time from Mustafa Centre to sim lim..
we walked instead.. n luckily we din get lost.. heh
so after getting the stuffs..
Razis went separate ways from Kai n me...

Kai n me went to Pasir Ris to get his paper..
which he had forgotten to bring it..
n it was kinda unplanned actually..
so we did the schematic design under his blk..
n of cos.. his usual frens were there..
they're a bunch of friendly ppl.. =)
making me felt like i knew them since yrs ago..
n then there's a point of time when his mum came down to go to the shop..
n then she kinda 'interviewed' me.. lol
but anws..
after i had finished teaching kai, they all impromtu-ly made a plan to go to RED HSE..
they asked if i wanted to join..
n since i had wanted to go n see dat place all along.. i agreed to follow...

so we went into the hse thru the back door..
it was wet n all muddy!..
n all i saw is a rundown hse..
with falling roofs..
n tiles all over the place..
weirdly.. it has too many toilets..
which reli kinda bothers me.. n i dunno y..
but anws.. there werent reli much interesting tings to see there..
when we got to the front, we realised dat the gate was open..
so we walked thru the mud for noting!..
then there were 2 chinese teenagers couples who came from the front..
the 1st gurl was scared as hell..
but the other 1 was much better..
there wasnt anyting scary or anyting..
bet she was pretending to b brave or sumting..
n they were half drunk btw..
so then we went out of the hse in less than an hr..
n it started raining heavily..
it was nice to walk in the rain..
i cudnt remmbr the last time i did dat..
dry ourselves up at costa sand's toilet..
while talking to jamilah..
abt stuffs*..
n then we sat at the entrance..
chit chat while waiting for the rain to stop..
n when it did.. i went home...

n juz as i tot..
i swore i felt it..
the presence..
ITS presence...

it started at the bus stop in front of downtown east..
i kept spotting sum1 always walk on my right..
of cos.. i juz brushed it all away at 1st..
but i knew i wasnt imagining it..
then it was on the train back home..
i heard sum1 called to me..
sumting like.. "psstt!"
i turned n juz as i tot..
there was no1..
practically bcos the train was almost deserted..
n lastly..
on the bus..
i sat on the seat bside the bus door..
there were sum others at the back of the bus..
but not too many.. (wat do u expect?.. it was 5mins b4 midnight..)
n i heard..
a brief talk..
there was tis voice speaking in malay, a very deep toned voice..
speaking into my ear..
n when i turned to look, i saw noting but the door of the bus n the apek who was sleeping in the seat near the other side of the door..
n dat.. actually confirms it all...

when i get home..
juz as i expected..
my parents were waiting n they too..
sensed dat there was sumting wrong..
they quickly asked me to go shower n get changed..
while they did sum prayers n stuffs..
i did as told.. n never ask y...

so the end for yesterday..
n oh.. i forgot to mention..
my mum called Kai to confirm my whereabts..
n Kai was sooo scared dat i got into trouble wit them..
but even if i did.. relax.. it wasnt ur fault anw..
so today did noting much..
went to skul late, oni attended 15mins of CI's tutorial wit jacky..
n then went for break n Engineering Drawing..
another module dat i pretty much still hate..
i din feel too gd so din go for MUA..
n then i head straight home..
while smsing Milah...

1st Visit To...

2007-11-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

so today..
was a very long day..
was tiring of cos..
n halfway thru..
i felt a lil sick..
not sick sick..
juz dat when i walk..
it feels as if im walking on air..
sounds cool..
but the feeling's not...

so Razis n me waited for Is n kak Atiqah..
then we went back together..
kacau-ing is til he reached khatib..
after dat, it was oni me, Razis n kak Atiqah..
kak Atiqah n i were talking abt a lot of stuffs..
dat it feels not rite to juz leave it at dat..
in the end.. i ended up goin to her hse... =)

SO IT WAS MY FIRST VISIT TO HER HSE..
n im sure it wun b the last.. hehe
anws.. her hse is nice..
very comfy.. n quite big actually..
n very bersih n neat n i dunno wat else to describe uh..
so we talked while kak Atiqah switched on her com..
n i tink i terken Is's curse a bit (inside joke)..
cos her com kept hanging.. lol...
then when the com was a bit ok..
we went to youtube n watch sum vids.. it was so funny..
it was fun wit her.. kak Atiqah showed me pics n stuffs..
im juz glad.. dat she's willing to share..
n dat she regards me as a sister.. thx kak.. =)

so in the end i reach home ard 10+ i tink..
i forgot the time..
n yeah, i was late..
lucky my parents did not reli make a lot of noise..
so now.. i wanna go to sleep..
or mayb kai's calling later..
regarding fara n rashid..
hmm.. i dunno wat's the prob now...

WTF...

2007-11-12T23:29:00.000+08:00

my mp3 died on me today..

n u dun gif a fuck abt it..

n said wat's dat gotta do wit u..

i juz tot dat u might wanna noe..

guess u dun reli care abt tis kinda tings..

u oni care for the more 'important' ones...

I Dunno Wat To FeeL Abt U Now...

2007-11-12T22:25:00.000+08:00

These few days..
I cant help but to..
Keep asking myself..
Y i care for u..
Mayb i felt it a bit in my heart..
N i dunno y im pushing it away...

But now u go n do tis..
It juz changes perspective dat i've had abt u before...

Tell me wat to feel abt u..
Cos i seriously dunno wat to...

Yes, sumhow i feel dat u've changed..
But i've never seen dat side of u..
or mayb u juz din show it before..
n i tot i knew u...

I SHUD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.....

... i sigh in the dead of night...

... juz to make myself feel better...

... but at the same time wondering...

... of wat wud happen next....

Wat The Hell...

2007-11-09T23:03:00.000+08:00

so i slept late last nite..
big deal..
i oni ended up not waking up on time..
i woke up at 8.17am.. which is 17mins after class started..
so i had to gif the programming techniques lab lesson a miss..
n so, in a rush, forgetting to bring my medicine for gastric as well..
reached 10 mins late for math lecture..
after which is a 3 hrs break..
n my gastric came back..
wat a 'GD' timing..
n dat 3hrs break obviously went pass a lil too fast for me.. i tink..
but anws...
was freaking piss cos dat jack tan left at 2.30 when he said he'll b in skul til 3..
like, wat the hell..
n if he's reli gonna bring my report a grade lower, i'll kill him, i swear..
so wasnt reli in a mood for jokes..
after class ended, which marks the end of skul for today..
went to meet hamudi to get my burnd dvd..
thx ABG.. lol..
after which i made my way to bugis to meet my mum...

met her outside kfc, but went to eat at burger king instead..
then tis makcik came in wit her daughter..
who was so cute..
a few months old..
my mum played wit her..
while we wait for my dad..
my dad came at ard 6+pm..
we went straight to sim lim tower/sq, not sure which is it..
then find the tings we wanted..
i did a lil survey on components for CI project..
n found a few interesting stuffs.. n new ideas...

then we went to eat at tekka market..
i ate rojak while my parents shared a chic briyani..
we talked n joked..
n then we made our way to the mrt station..
my dad was smoking so slowly..
so when we were outside the station..
i joked abt finishing the cigarette for him..
n he wanted to pass the cigarette to me..
was abt to, until, well, of cos.. my mum shouted lar..
n said my dad was outta his mind to let me haf the cigarette..
lol... mothers...

well, we practically had a gd time..
but not until juz now when we reached home..
abt 15 mins..
n my mum n me quarelled abt sumting..
which was like.. totally.. wat the fuck uh..
n so im still pissed rite now..
n i tink dat my life is so unpredictable..
n pathetic MOST of the time..
cos i never noe when i can b happy for the whole day..
n when's the next moment my day wud b ruined..
by any1...
haiz...
wat the hell....

... i reli hope u'll stop wanting to send me home..

... i reli hope u'll stop pretending dat u care for me..

... i nid to get u outta my head..

... it's REAL LOVE dat u dunno abt..

Can't Sleep....

2007-11-09T01:49:00.000+08:00

i dunno y but..
im having difficulty sleeping tonite..
even tho my class starts at 8am tmr..
haiz...

im soo confused rite now..
our frenship is not like wat it was b4..
mayb it wud haf been better if i din noe..
according to u..
but according to me..
sooner or later, i'd still find out..
n if i dun find out soon..
im afraid i'll b sending all the wrong signals..
i always do..
dat's y im often misunderstood..
haiz..
it is juz soo hard juz trying to push away all the awkwardness...

look..
u dun hafta worry alrite..
i'll still listen to ur probs..
n continue trying my best to understand u..
u'll still haf me as a fren..
no matter how weird it is gonna get..
dun worry..
i noe u want to clarify stuffs..
juz ask/tell me..
im sure we'll b abe to work tings out...

I Wanna Hate U....

2007-11-08T22:29:00.000+08:00

i reli dun get it..
wat do u want from me?..
u call me..
u sms me..
u wanna meet me under my blk..
u wanna walk me home..
as n when u like..
u come n go as u please..
wat do u take me for?..
a substitute when u're single n looking for sum other gurl..
a 'radio' when u're bored..
wateva it is.. rite now..
i cant wait forever..
n i dun tink dat i was waiting either..
cos i noe wat u r like..
i can never expect anyting from u..
u said u've changed..
but from my perspective..
u're still the same.. n getting way worst..
grow up young man.. grow up....

..... But i cant...

...n i dunno y...

Fun But....

2007-11-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

skul was ok today..
except i was a lil frustrated wit the engineering drawing tutor..
stupid.. dunno how to help students.. hmph!..
was so stressed up doin the exercises lar... wth lar..
n then Ivan left w/o taking pic wit me.. sad...
n i forgot to bring my neoprints.. dat i promised Ivan..
Sorie =S.. it wasnt on purpose...

so then went ice skating wit my dates..
lol.. the MUA (make-up artist) crew..
skate2 ard n c them fall..
was very fun..
n then sat in the car again to arab street..
to go eat at sum restaurant there..
the food was ok lar..
pricing wise was oso ok oni..
but the service.. was like shit..
seriously.. evry1 was pissed lar..
so we din pay the service charge..
then we went home..
so now im at home, removing impurities from my face..
n i tink my gastric is coming back now..
it hurts real bad....

n sumhow it feels weird..

not receiving any sms from u my fren..

im reli sorie.. i hope dat u noe..

i din mean to b harsh last nite...

Apologising...

2007-11-06T23:25:00.001+08:00

Im sorie..
I reli feel guilty..
Tho u tink dat i shudnt b..
But i juz cant shake dat feeling off..
U can say it's ok n evryting..
But it's not to me..
... U wanna noe wat's bugging me n y im feeling tis way..
But i seriously dunno how to explain it to u..
U can bug me for as long as u want juz to find out..
But u wun get anyting out from me n u noe it..
Dat's juz me..
Im sum1 who keep evryting bottled up tight..
I tot u knew dat..
When u told me the truth on sun..
When i read ur posts..
Im reli touched..
N oso very sad at the same time..
Guilty?.. of cos..
Did I cry?.. mayb..
But truth is, the tears juz started rolling down my cheeks..
N it was endless...

Haiz...
Im not angry at u...
Juz let me be for a few days...
I'll b alrite....
Ill b fine....
Juz a few days...
For now, it's juz me n bearbear...
He'll b my company for evry night.....

Thx For Ur Honesty...

2007-11-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

Im not sure if i shud b glad dat u made it clear to me..
But in any case..
It did made me feel a whole lot better..
Pretending not knowing n all reli made tings quite awkward..
It was reli tiring as well..
To keep the tension n pressure in check...

Im reli sorie if i had hurt u in any way..
If my being indifferent after discovering abt ur feelings for me has caused u pain n heartbreak..
I reli din mean it dat way..
My real intention was to make tings as normal as they cud b..
So dat both of us wun feel weird..
But i guess it shows..
N im feeling guilty..
For evryting..
For i wonder..
If all along.. i've been giving u the wrong signs... haiz

N since now we haf made tings clear..
It reli made evryting a lot easier now..
To talk n joke wit u..
Thx for ur understanding...

She Is.........

2007-10-31T23:14:00.000+08:00

During the calmness of the dark blue sky..
The oni time when she feels safe n relax..
In the comfort of her room n bed..
She was reading ur posts..
N Suddenly..
She cudn't believe wat she was reading..
She is shocked to noe dat u haf those feelings for her..
Though she picked up the signs from the very beginning she met him..
She juz shove it off bcos she wants a true frenship..
At the same time..
She din tink dat by trying to n understanding u, it has made her the most important person in ur life..
She is confused abt how tings got tis way..
She dun wanna hurt ur feelings..
She dun want u to feel wat u felt back then..
She dun wanna break any1's heart..
She wants the frenship to continue as normal..
She wants to b juz frens..
Close frens..
She sees u juz as a fren..
Not the way u see her, she has to admit..
She's flattered to noe dat sum1 loves her sincerely for who she is..
She's honoured to noe dat u'll put her 1st b4 others..
She's not after any guy..
She juz haf lil crush evry now n then..
N then it's gone..
Yes, she's single..
But she dun wanna make herself available..
She is juz too scared..
Or perhaps she haven reli moved on..
She juz dun want history to repeat itself..
She has had enouf of the pain..
So for now..
She's gonna pretend dat she dunno u're talking abt her..
She dun wanna make tings awkward...

........Me...

Back To Sch....

2007-10-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

sorie to haf been gone for soo long ppl, to those who has been reading my blog dat is..
was juz soo bz during a week b4 n after raya..
din haf time to update...

so sem 2 has started..
frens r still the same..
i've gained new ones tho..
lecturers n tutors r better..
i found dat i cud concentrate more now..
dat's reli a gd ting..
no side-tracking..
ah wells...
been hanging ard more often wit Is, kak Atiqah n Razis during breaks..
n if they're having another lesson, i'll b having my break wit Razis, Azwan n Ivan instead..
dat's my daily routine..
wat happened to the class u may ask..
well basically..
let's juz say tings r bound to change after sum time..
even if u dunno y...

so it was hari raya..
1st day was horrendous..
sumting happened.. haiz..
n then for the rest of the days..
went visiting n all.. non stop seh...
then met several ppl..
dat i always look forward to meeting.. =)
n yeah, i cudnt haf felt better...

dat's basically it for now..
i hope much doesnt change soon...
take care ppl...

Im Goin on....

2007-10-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

heyhey..
i figured dat im gonna b very2 bz soon..
due to helping my mum out wit the orders n stuffs..
so expect a dead blog ya...

Hiatus Alert !!!

Sat Working Madness...

2007-09-23T00:27:00.000+08:00

u noe..
there's a reason y i chose to work morning shifts since fasting month started..
it's bcos.. i dun wanna break fast wit the store's staff food..
i wanna b back home, breaking fast wit my family..
wit the food dat my mum cooked..
way better n tasty...

n so.. i had to replace sum guy who cudnt come to work n they're shorthanded..
tho i hated the tot of working during fasting month, night shift n on a sat at dat, i still agreed to help out..
juz as i tot.. it was freaking pathetic..
the food was, of cos, not dat tasty, but i thank god for it..
n we're suppose to take not more than 15 mins..
i mean like.. wth.. how can any1 eat within 15mins..
cant even eat peacefully..
but of cos.. i took more than 15mins..
but pity hakim.. so eat a bit faster than usual oso..
then after work.. tired like hell..
non-stop working.. i was in a not-so-gd mood...
so as soon as i reach home.. i crashed onto my bed..
now blogging tis..
n now.. im gonna go haf my nice sleep...

1st Trip To Bazaar Geylang...

2007-09-20T23:54:00.000+08:00

Went to geylang juz now..
Buke there..
It wasn’t crowded.. thk god..
So my family n I cud take a look at all the clothes without rushing..
But of cos.. we din really comb the entire place..
There wasn’t enouf time..
We juz briefly strolled thru til joo chiat complex..
But b4 dat, I oredy got my eyes set on a.. hmm.. I dunno wat to call that..
It’s not a baju kurung, nor kebaya..
It’s like a jarang ¾ baju wit another baju in it wit kain songket..
It was brown in colour and very nice..
My mum liked it too.. but we haven really showed it to my dad..
N after we finished walking round joo chiat, it was oredy 10+pm, so there wasn’t enouf time to show my dad..
But we ate a lot.. ok.. my bros to b exact..
All I needed was water and more water.. hehe..
Im not much of an eater..
So we made our way back home.. and here I am.. posting tis..
I gtg sleep now.. cos I’ll b working at 11 in the morning tmr…

Semester's Results...

2007-09-19T23:25:00.000+08:00

Guess wat, guess wat??
I managed to pass all my modules!!!..
Haha.. ok ok.. I hafta admit that my results weren’t gd AT ALL..
But hey.. at least I cleared all modules..
Which oso means that I wun hafta repeat any modules n extent another half a yr in poly to graduate…

Apart from tis, im glad dat the rest of my frens who r taking the same course, tho diff classes, had done very/quite well for their sem exams..
N oso my other frens, those who r not taking the same course as me..
Congrats to all..
Even so.. sum din make it..
To hadi n choon hoe..
Im really sad that we wun b seeing u guys in the same class next sem..
But I really hope we’ll all keep in touch..
To iskandar..
Im glad u did well too..
But the tot dat we’ll all wun b seeing u next sem..
is oso very sad.. =(
Keep in touch tau!..
Nudge me on msn, random IM me, all ur lame jokes and advices..
I wun forget them.. thk u very much.. =)

Challenges...

2007-09-18T23:22:00.000+08:00

The 6th day at work wasn’t dat easy as I tot..
Furthermore, im working in the F&B industry..
It’s much of a challenge..
The smell.. The sight of food..
Tsk tsk.. is enouf to make sum1 neglect the muslims’ duty to fast..
But lucky for me.. I cud stand these challenges..
Juz dat these few days I feel really weak, n tired..
Well.. that’s juz the signs of sum1 who’s reli fasting..
N at work.. it’s really ~~quite~~very boring these days..
There’s not much tings to do as there’s lesser customers than usual..
I guess it’s bcos most ppl r fasting..
The area dat my outlet is located at is surrounded by many muslims workers..
So, yeah…

Well.. moving on..
Tmr’s the release of the semester’s result..
Im having mixed feelings..
I dunno if I shud b happy or.. err.. scared?..
I mean.. im not sure if I managed to pass all the modules..
I haven really been performing of cos.. dat’s y…
Well.. we’ll juz wait and see tmr..
Hopefully.. I manage to pass all modules at least..
Even if my gpa sux...

Happy B'day Abg Fad!...

2007-09-15T23:03:00.000+08:00

My mum invited abg Fad to our hse to celebrate his bday..
but we pretended dat we forgot it was his bday today..
but i dun tink he's dat dumb abt it.. hee..
so he came wit a fren.. like evry other time..
whom we dunno..
so intro-ed us to his new fren..
i tot he was almost the same age as abg..
but it din reli matter.. cos i still tink he's cute..
n i finally got my chocs.. as promised.. =)

while eating, abg started telling my mum n me abt wat's been goin on in his life..
n i tink it's reli sad..
wateva he tell me n stuffs..
it's like.. the both of us.. always in the same kind of situation..
n he always ditched by his gfs..
y oh y r the gurls blind?.. i wonder..
abg is 1 of the guy a gurl wud want for a bf...

but anw.. my bro did sumting reli embarrassing..
i went to my room n commented to my cuzzie dat i reli tink the guy's cute..
my bro heard it n then he went out n told the guy tis..
"my sister tinks u r very cute.. the 1 who's been sitting outside.. dat 1.."
i was soo embarrassed lar!!..
so straight forward seh..
i cudnt look at him for the rest of the time he was at my hse.. =S

Work, work, work....

2007-09-12T23:17:00.000+08:00

Have been bz working..
sorie for not updating for a very very long time..
finally comes the day..
where all the muslims will start fasting (which is tmr, 1st day)..
to me.. tis is the best time of the yr..
where all ur food cravings will b fulfilled.. by ur mother..
haha.. *oooppss*
ok ok.. dat's not the only reason..
it's bcos it's the oni month where ppl will start to appreciate food...

To all muslims...
SELAMAT MENJALANKAN IBADAH PUASA..
insyaallah....

Outing Wit Pri Sch Frens...

2007-09-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

Holidays r the best time to catch up n meet one another..
wit family.. n frens..
so i went out wit my frens juz now..
pri sch fren to b exact..
mayb not all of them.. but it was still ok..
bcos rite now.. many r bz wit skul work..
many of my frens r taking their Os tis yr..
ALL THE BEST TO ALL OF U..
n many too r working currently...

Met Indra under his blk, then Syafiq at clementi mrt station..
we went to buy the movie tix 1st..
then meet up wit Raudhah at raffles..
then we were all hungry cos all of us haven eaten yet..
after much discussion.. guess where we went to eat.......
SWENSEN'S!!!.. lol.. at marina square..
wat can i say.. both In n Rau juz got their pay..
so they pay most of it.. heheh
after eating.. which we took our own sweet time, eating n talking n laughing away..
the movie was abt to start soon, so we made our way back there..
we were all excited to watch it..
evan almighty was sooo... funny?..
but it's reli worth watching.. not a waste of money...

after the show ended, it was abt 9pm..
so we called Hasri since he said dat he wanna hang out wit us after his job orientation..
we made our way slowly to esplanade.. n wat a nice timing, as soon s we were there for abt 5mins, he reached..
so we sat ard for awhile, crapped, 'NASIHAT'2 kan ppl walking n ard us..
then i saw yani n phupin n another 2 chinese gurls.. said hi, chatted for awhile n then he went off..
then we decided to walk ard a bit since it was quite warm ard there..
n off we went taking photos.. lots n lots of silly photos..
but sum turned out quite well i shud say.. =)
soo.. pics up for u guys...

Raudhah, Syafiq, Indra & me

Hasri, Fiq, In & me
In the underpass
Was juz posing randomly n tis is wat u get

Walking outta the underpass

Wat r they discussing?

N now Hasri's pissed.....

Free posing

Sit for awhile after the long walk n photo-taking along the way

At the end of the day....

Ratatouille....

2007-09-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

heyhey!!..
din go work.. yesterday n today..
bcos im sick..
but.....
bcos my mum wanted to treat us to a movie..
my sickness was gone.. for a while.. hehe

so.. we went to JP..
n watched Ratatouille!!..
it was a very nice movie..
very funny.. yet very sad at the same time..
teaching many abt the ups n downs of life n how life naturally is..
which in his case was, being a rat..
being a rat = dirty little creatures=pests..
oh wells.. i shan't ruin the movie for those of u who haven watched it yet..
but reli.. it's a must watch!!...

A Night Out (Wednesday, September 05)....

2007-09-07T15:48:00.000+08:00

Heyhey.. hmm
Din haf the time to post for Wednesday’s night out..
So here I m.. posting it…

so today.. after i woke up, i stayed at home, go on the com for awhile..
slack a bit cos been working lately so quite tired..
only yesterday(04/09) i worked from 12pm-11pm..
tiring like hell.. n it's the holidays..
it was so packed.. but no choice.. i nid the money!!..
but it was quite fun.. working wit Chin Hong, Wei Jie n JJ..
oh wells.. i made plans to go out wit Deniz.. n since he has no real plans for the day, he said ok...

so met him ard 6+pm.. at the entrance at exit B, in front of Penin..
he din tell me his fren was gonna come along.. but it was ok..
so sat there for awhile.. he intro-ed me to his fren n vice versa.. then decided on where to go..
since there were no real plans.. n so Deniz suggested chilling near the riverwalk.. n so we did..
walked n talked at the same time.. asked him abt skul n stuffs..
n how's evry1 doin back home n if daddy n mummy noes dat he's wit me..
talked while playing cards there.. took a pic..
then Deniz was hungry.. so we went to eat at LJS.. tho Allan was kinda sick of it.. haha
so we ate.. n then the table bside us.. they were talking abt the holy bible..
or was it more of discussing abt wat's in it from pages to pages n wat it means..
church close lar Deniz (inside joke)..
then after eating, we walked ard aimlessly while talking n crapping..
it was kinda fun talking to Allan.. tho most of the time he'll b quiet..
then wanted to go explanade.. but went to sit at the memorial instead..
so there, Allan lied down while talking to us.. we talked abt a lot of tings.. haha..
come to tink of it.. none actually related n linked to the sub b4...

then we decided to make our way home.. but i wanted to find the ATM 1st, while Deniz wanted a drink n Allan needed the toilet..
after which, we made our way to the bus stop.. walked a very long distance..
b4 finding the rite bus stop.. we missed 1 bus.. so waited for another, which was very long..
so while waiting.. took photos.. there were a lot of funny photos.. but i tink i'll juz post the best for today's photo-taking... heh

Taken at the riverwalk..

Tis was taken at the bus stop.. And I tot tis pic was kinda nice..

By the moonlight!
In case u r wondering.. I din edit tis pic.. It is originally like tis..

Me, Deniz & Allan

I haf no idea wat the both of them were looking at.. But tis was the nicest pic taken… lol =P

Random...

2007-09-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

well.. i was viewing tis person's profiles n his comments..
when i suddenly came upon tis guy who commented..
tho i ripped it from there.. i tink dat..
it'll b useful for khairil..
so kai.. here's to u...

wat will u do if ur sad
but u juz cant share it
ur too lonely to voice it out
afraid that u'll lose them
juz want people to know u as happy person
n u wud end up sittin at one corner
all by urself
juz wishin miracles wud happen
but u still wish to go on
without knowin da word success
its like a blind faith
walking aimlessly in da dark
n ur showered by this hatred
loneliness,sadness n madness
ur tryin hard to resist it
but as time past
ur willingness fade away
ur absorbing da pain
n it push all ur happiness away
u start to feel da numbness
hoping dat the suffering will stop
n juz leave this world
but as the love life hurt u even more
ur still tryin to get a grip of urself
telling urself dat theres still someone who need u
my friend if ur feeling this way like i do. . .
remember that i'll always be there for u. . .
bye n take care..

haha.. ok.. so now..
to the guy who i ripped tis from..
if u ever chance upon tis blog n saw tis post..
IM SORIE...

What Kind of Coffee Drink Are You?

2007-09-03T00:40:00.001+08:00

Your coffee drink is Smooth.

Easy does it. That's how you get through life. Not one to get caught up in silly dramas or frivolous gossip, you've got the grace and elegance to know what really matters. That's why your signature coffee drink is as smooth and refined as you are.

Calm, cool, and oh-so-collected, friends know they can come to you when they need a sympathetic ear and solid advice. You're a natural when it comes to making friends — and keeping them — since you're so trustworthy and real. With your confidence and composure, you can't help but be one smooth operator no matter what curveballs life throws you. And that's exactly what's going to take you to the top. Stay cool!

In life you can make your own decisions or let other people make those decisions for you. Being Above The Influence is about staying true to yourself, and not letting people pressure you into being less than you. So be yourself. Or be something less. It's your call.

What Kind of Coffee Drink Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

PS: i dunno how true tis is... epecially the keeping frens part.. *shrugs*.. but 1 ting's for sure.. I LUV MY PRI SCH MATES...

We're Visiting You Dearie!...

2007-08-31T23:39:00.000+08:00

was working late last nite..
n so.. i cudnt wake up early in the morning..
n i din want to actually..
so din go back to sec sch..
but anws.. i wasnt reli planning on goin back to sec sch...

indra n the rest confirmed the time to meet n where..
so s usual.. i tot i'll b late cos i was kinda lazy to wake up.. haha!
meeting time was 2pm at the bus stop opp. Kent Ridge sec..
i reached there ard 2.10pm..
n guess wat.. i was the oni 1 at the bus stop wit sum of the rest who were waiting for the bus n their frens..
so i waited while sms-ing in n mun.. hasri did say he was gonna b a lil late..
n so i was waiting.. til 2.15pm.. when Has finally arrived..
so i said.. " thk god u arrived.. cos i've been here alone, n the rest are still otw"..
then while has was complaining abt his gurl.. laila stepped out of the 189 which juz stoppped..
we were both surprised n since she wasnt meeting any1, n i was the oni gurl since nad cudn't come.. laila joined us..
so we waited til abt 2.35pm n then decided to go in 1st.. n coincidentally, laila din go back to sec sch either.. hmm....

when we went in, we saw cikgu zailena n talked to her 1st.. it was quite a long talk..
n she said i've changed.. haha.. more angelic now, last time devil in pri sch.. heh =)
but i still did told her.. im still a devil.. angelic a bit oni.. haha!
so was talking til 3+pm when all the guys finally came..
cikgu had to go, so we left n sat wit the boys (munzir, indra, hasri, syafiq, farit)..
the boys were waiting for their former form teacher, Mrs. Low who was bz talking to her other students, after which she came over n talked to us..
after the talk wit Mrs. Low, we went to find cikgu putri in the office..
cikgu was bz talking to asri n sharfina outside the office.. so we joined in..
talk, talk n talk, after which laila went to find her form teacher, Mrs. Tan..
then we all waited at the canteen for her..
bought drinks n evryting.. while crapping..
after laila n the rest were done.. mun wanted to take pics..
so we took it at the flag-raising pole.. haha!.. classic..
mun's cam.. wah!.. still film uh.. lol
remember to wash the pics for us kk?.. =P
after which, we made our way to the bus stop to go visit raudhah..
mun cant follow cos he had to go sumwhere.. so he went 1st..
so it was oni laila, has, syafiq, farit, indra n me..
we took 30 n after talking.. we reached in no time..

upon reaching.. we asked how she's doin n wat happened n evryting..
we talked non stop..
like.. there were soo much to talk abt..
n of cos.. there r lotsa tings to talk abt.. to catch up on each others' life..
while drinking n eating, we still talked..
we asked abt sum other fren who's not present..
n surprisingly.. none of us forget any long lost fren.. which im proud of.. =)
then came 7+pm.. the guys went to the mosque to pray.. n the gurls carried on talking..
after they came back, we continued talking..
n suddenly.. a topic abt ghost came out..
n so we talked abt ghost next..
we talked, crapped, laughed n evryting like we never had before..
n then it was 9pm.. it was all so fast.. n it was time to go..
laila took 240 to lakeside mrt while the rest of us took 30 back home..
along the way in the bus.. we did still talked..
dat is y i luv my frens.. we never run outta tings to talk abt.. =)

AND IM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT OUTING....!

Exams Over But.. Issues Still Not Settled.. Im Not Satisfied... "Thx" For Evryting....

2007-08-29T23:47:00.000+08:00

Was checking my friendster..
it's been awhile since i last checked..
there were lotsa comments n fren requests dat i haven accepted yet..
n then i checked my horoscope for fun..
n tis wat wat it says....

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 21)

The Bottom Line
If a friend can't communicate what they want, that's too bad. You're no mind reader.

In Detail
If someone you care about has been acting oddly toward you, do not make any assumptions as to why they are behaving the way they're behaving. And by the same token, don't make excuses for them either. If they can't communicate their feelings or expectations to you, then that is their fault. You cannot take responsibility for it -- what are you, a mind reader? Nope -- which is why you shouldn't feel bad if they try to send you on a guilt trip. Don't go there!

Finally..
exams r over..
but i dun feel any difference.. reli..
afterall.. it juz is another boring day..
my maths paper was a disaster..
analog electronics was ok.. oni..
eletrical principles was oso ok oni....
but the passing part.. im not sure as yet..
today had computer programming paper..
it was not as bad as i tot..
thx for the last min tutoring guys (Is, Hadi & Razis)..
n the ting on the calculator.. it was useful.. hee =)
so after tis is juz holidays..
n im gonna work, work, work...
unless sum1 asks me out.. which i totally doubt so...

oh well.. so there r issues dat r not settled yet..
ok.. mayb not not settled yet..
juz dat.. noting's changed at all..
like.. apologising itself is not enouf..
i noe dat sumhow, im partly to blame n i realised dat now..
but in actual fact.. no faults r always caused by oneself alone..
one cannot bear all the faults himself..
there wud b other factors.. or person even involve...

n seriously.. im not satisfied wit ur reasons..
u kept quiet.. felt the way u felt.. ignored me.. u din even tell me wat was wrong..
n ur reason was.. u dun want tis ting to distract u from keeping ur focus on ur study..
like.. wat the hell was dat..??
did u ever, for a second, ever tot of how dat wud affect me?.. did u?
no, u din.. u din even care wat i felt.. all along.. those days..
y i continued feeling the way i felt.. not wanting to go skul n evryting..
i cudnt focus.. but did u care?.. no, u did not..
n now u dun wanna listen to my explanations, u wanna ignore me..
fine.. by all means.. do juz dat..
im soo used to these kinds of treatment..
these kinds of situation..
it's not the 1st time anw...

IM SORIE u cant accept me the way i m..
IM SORIE im not ur nerdy type of frens who pays attention during classes..
Who always attends classes..
Who always come to skul..
IM SORIE im not the rules kinda gurl..
IM SORIE im a rebel..
IM SORIE dat im an emo kid..
IM SORIE dat mayb im not the type of fren u were expecting to haf..
IM SORIE dat i haf too many probs goin on n i dun bother telling ppl abt it..
IM SORIE frenships wit n ard me never last as long as i want them to...

thx for evryting..
thx for the memories..
wat we haf then is juz another memory pictured in my mind now..
it has never lasted..
n i doubt it ever will....