I nearly forgot about the previous posts that I haf..
Rmmbring dat I haf it itself is enouf to make tears roll down my cheeks..
But since it oredy did..
I decided to ‘look back’..
I read up on the posts..
No doubt.. it made more tears roll down..
So eventually I tot to myself.. dat I wun b able go to sleep tonite..
But I tink.. it really was a gd cry..
For i’ve hold them back for too long oredy..
It was time to let them out..
But sumhow.. they let themselves out…
there was no stopping them..
it was endless....

Wat i want now is..
for tings to continue being tis way...
to stay the way they are now...
i dun want anyting to change...
mainly bcos..
i dunno wat the outcome will b..
or wat the ending will b..
if we are sumting else..
n if tings dun work out the way we tink it'll b...

dat's my prob..
im not sure of myself..
nor u..
nor 'us'...

oh wells..
in anws..
i've been doin a lot of tinking lately..
so much dat..
i dun reli noe if it's worth tinkin abt at all..
ok.. now it sounds as if im not making sense..
it's juz dat.. i tink..
dat mayb.. n juz mayb dat..
im giving the wrong signals..
even tho u said im not..
n i reli hope dat i haven been treating u any differently..
like i did the time before.. n now..
it's juz.. not dat.. nice?..
well.. mayb im the oni 1 who tinks so..
but seriously.. i dun want any1 to get hurt..
tis is juz small steps taken to make sure..
ahhh.. im getting headaches from all of tis tinking...

n secondly..
wat's up wit ppl not being able to make up their mind??
it's like.. if u like sum1.. then juz like him/her..
if u dun like him/her.. then juz tell him/her..
dun keep sum1 hanging like dat..
it's not a nice feeling to hang ard, not knowing if it's gonna happen or not..
if u want him/her to wait, then juz say so..
dun let the other person assume tings dat might lead to sumting else..
and QUIT playing wit the heart...

1. Feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.
2. Regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic.
3. Sorrowful, grieved, or sad.
4. Associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal.
5. Wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful.
6. Used interjectionally as a conventional apology or expression of regret.

i had pcb & prototype lab test early morning..
n i was earlier than usual.. but still late actually..
but juz in time b4 she mark my name on the attendance list..
n the test, it was ok.. not dat hard as i tot it'd b..
then it was EC lecture..
the most boooorrriiinnnggg n hated lecture ever..
i neva reli paid attention to his lecture anw..
wat i did was.. played psp evrytime..
*oops*.. imma bad student..
yes i am.. no doubt abt it..
oh anws..
after skul was over..
i ate wit kak nurul n mas n co. ..
n then wait for Razis, Is n kak Atiqah to come..
n also Kai..
then they ate, i watched..
after which, we talked n joked ard a bit..
n Is ended up giving me a nickname which doesnt reli make sense..
he called me a goldfish.. wth..
seriously like, in wat way does it resembles me..
i mean.. gold fish haf BIG EYES.. mine r SMALL.. rite?..
no resemblence at all seh..
weird Iskandar...

but anws.. after dat they made their way to class n we (Razis, Kai n me) made our way to Mustafa Centre..
we spent ard more than half an hr at Mustafa Centre..
n spent almost 3 hrs at sim lim..
not including the journey time from Mustafa Centre to sim lim..
we walked instead.. n luckily we din get lost.. heh
so after getting the stuffs..
Razis went separate ways from Kai n me...

Kai n me went to Pasir Ris to get his paper..
which he had forgotten to bring it..
n it was kinda unplanned actually..
so we did the schematic design under his blk..
n of cos.. his usual frens were there..
they're a bunch of friendly ppl.. =)
making me felt like i knew them since yrs ago..
n then there's a point of time when his mum came down to go to the shop..
n then she kinda 'interviewed' me.. lol
but anws..
after i had finished teaching kai, they all impromtu-ly made a plan to go to RED HSE..
they asked if i wanted to join..
n since i had wanted to go n see dat place all along.. i agreed to follow...

so we went into the hse thru the back door..
it was wet n all muddy!..
n all i saw is a rundown hse..
with falling roofs..
n tiles all over the place..
weirdly.. it has too many toilets..
which reli kinda bothers me.. n i dunno y..
but anws.. there werent reli much interesting tings to see there..
when we got to the front, we realised dat the gate was open..
so we walked thru the mud for noting!..
then there were 2 chinese teenagers couples who came from the front..
the 1st gurl was scared as hell..
but the other 1 was much better..
there wasnt anyting scary or anyting..
bet she was pretending to b brave or sumting..
n they were half drunk btw..
so then we went out of the hse in less than an hr..
n it started raining heavily..
it was nice to walk in the rain..
i cudnt remmbr the last time i did dat..
dry ourselves up at costa sand's toilet..
while talking to jamilah..
abt stuffs*..
n then we sat at the entrance..
chit chat while waiting for the rain to stop..
n when it did.. i went home...

n juz as i tot..
i swore i felt it..
the presence..
ITS presence...

it started at the bus stop in front of downtown east..
i kept spotting sum1 always walk on my right..
of cos.. i juz brushed it all away at 1st..
but i knew i wasnt imagining it..
then it was on the train back home..
i heard sum1 called to me..
sumting like.. "psstt!"
i turned n juz as i tot..
there was no1..
practically bcos the train was almost deserted..
n lastly..
on the bus..
i sat on the seat bside the bus door..
there were sum others at the back of the bus..
but not too many.. (wat do u expect?.. it was 5mins b4 midnight..)
n i heard..
a brief talk..
there was tis voice speaking in malay, a very deep toned voice..
speaking into my ear..
n when i turned to look, i saw noting but the door of the bus n the apek who was sleeping in the seat near the other side of the door..
n dat.. actually confirms it all...

when i get home..
juz as i expected..
my parents were waiting n they too..
sensed dat there was sumting wrong..
they quickly asked me to go shower n get changed..
while they did sum prayers n stuffs..
i did as told.. n never ask y...

so the end for yesterday..
n oh.. i forgot to mention..
my mum called Kai to confirm my whereabts..
n Kai was sooo scared dat i got into trouble wit them..
but even if i did.. relax.. it wasnt ur fault anw..
so today did noting much..
went to skul late, oni attended 15mins of CI's tutorial wit jacky..
n then went for break n Engineering Drawing..
another module dat i pretty much still hate..
i din feel too gd so din go for MUA..
n then i head straight home..
while smsing Milah...

so Razis n me waited for Is n kak Atiqah..
then we went back together..
kacau-ing is til he reached khatib..
after dat, it was oni me, Razis n kak Atiqah..
kak Atiqah n i were talking abt a lot of stuffs..
dat it feels not rite to juz leave it at dat..
in the end.. i ended up goin to her hse... =)

SO IT WAS MY FIRST VISIT TO HER HSE..
n im sure it wun b the last.. hehe
anws.. her hse is nice..
very comfy.. n quite big actually..
n very bersih n neat n i dunno wat else to describe uh..
so we talked while kak Atiqah switched on her com..
n i tink i terken Is's curse a bit (inside joke)..
cos her com kept hanging.. lol...
then when the com was a bit ok..
we went to youtube n watch sum vids.. it was so funny..
it was fun wit her.. kak Atiqah showed me pics n stuffs..
im juz glad.. dat she's willing to share..
n dat she regards me as a sister.. thx kak.. =)

so in the end i reach home ard 10+ i tink..
i forgot the time..
n yeah, i was late..
lucky my parents did not reli make a lot of noise..
so now.. i wanna go to sleep..
or mayb kai's calling later..
regarding fara n rashid..
hmm.. i dunno wat's the prob now...

But now u go n do tis..
It juz changes perspective dat i've had abt u before...

Tell me wat to feel abt u..
Cos i seriously dunno wat to...

Yes, sumhow i feel dat u've changed..
But i've never seen dat side of u..
or mayb u juz din show it before..
n i tot i knew u...

I SHUD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.....

met her outside kfc, but went to eat at burger king instead..
then tis makcik came in wit her daughter..
who was so cute..
a few months old..
my mum played wit her..
while we wait for my dad..
my dad came at ard 6+pm..
we went straight to sim lim tower/sq, not sure which is it..
then find the tings we wanted..
i did a lil survey on components for CI project..
n found a few interesting stuffs.. n new ideas...

then we went to eat at tekka market..
i ate rojak while my parents shared a chic briyani..
we talked n joked..
n then we made our way to the mrt station..
my dad was smoking so slowly..
so when we were outside the station..
i joked abt finishing the cigarette for him..
n he wanted to pass the cigarette to me..
was abt to, until, well, of cos.. my mum shouted lar..
n said my dad was outta his mind to let me haf the cigarette..
lol... mothers...

well, we practically had a gd time..
but not until juz now when we reached home..
abt 15 mins..
n my mum n me quarelled abt sumting..
which was like.. totally.. wat the fuck uh..
n so im still pissed rite now..
n i tink dat my life is so unpredictable..
n pathetic MOST of the time..
cos i never noe when i can b happy for the whole day..
n when's the next moment my day wud b ruined..
by any1...
haiz...
wat the hell....

im soo confused rite now..
our frenship is not like wat it was b4..
mayb it wud haf been better if i din noe..
according to u..
but according to me..
sooner or later, i'd still find out..
n if i dun find out soon..
im afraid i'll b sending all the wrong signals..
i always do..
dat's y im often misunderstood..
haiz..
it is juz soo hard juz trying to push away all the awkwardness...

look..
u dun hafta worry alrite..
i'll still listen to ur probs..
n continue trying my best to understand u..
u'll still haf me as a fren..
no matter how weird it is gonna get..
dun worry..
i noe u want to clarify stuffs..
juz ask/tell me..
im sure we'll b abe to work tings out...

so then went ice skating wit my dates..
lol.. the MUA (make-up artist) crew..
skate2 ard n c them fall..
was very fun..
n then sat in the car again to arab street..
to go eat at sum restaurant there..
the food was ok lar..
pricing wise was oso ok oni..
but the service.. was like shit..
seriously.. evry1 was pissed lar..
so we din pay the service charge..
then we went home..
so now im at home, removing impurities from my face..
n i tink my gastric is coming back now..
it hurts real bad....

Haiz...
Im not angry at u...
Juz let me be for a few days...
I'll b alrite....
Ill b fine....
Juz a few days...
For now, it's juz me n bearbear...
He'll b my company for evry night.....

Im reli sorie if i had hurt u in any way..
If my being indifferent after discovering abt ur feelings for me has caused u pain n heartbreak..
I reli din mean it dat way..
My real intention was to make tings as normal as they cud b..
So dat both of us wun feel weird..
But i guess it shows..
N im feeling guilty..
For evryting..
For i wonder..
If all along.. i've been giving u the wrong signs... haiz

N since now we haf made tings clear..
It reli made evryting a lot easier now..
To talk n joke wit u..
Thx for ur understanding...