well..
i guess dat applies on a case-to-case basis huh...


perfect..
wat does it mean?..
izit being sumting dat lives up to sumone else's expectations?..
or our own expectations?..
does it matter wat others tink n expects of us?..
does it matter if we can or cannot live up to their expectations?..
does it matter if we live to our own expectations n ignores their expectations?..
which is more important?..
living up to our own expectations?..
or living up to other's expectations?..
which is more important?..
we can live up to the expectations?..
or we cannot live up to the expectations?..
which exactly matters more n is important?...



these...
are qns...
of which, the ans...
she wun get...
n find...
not anytime soon anw....



she stays up at nite..
tinking abt lotsa stuffs dat's been weighing on her mind..
all the happenings..
the tings dat she cant shake off..
n then recently..
sumting happened..
then she came to realise sumting..
she dun understand it...

she dun understand y..
the blame's literally on her..
they fought bcos of her..
or so she said to her..
she said dat evrytime they fought..
it'd b abt her..
it's not the way she wanted it to b..
but dat's juz the way it goes..
tis wasnt the 1st time..
n she's sure dat it wun b the last..
tho she hoped.. n hoped..
over n over again..
dat it wud b over..
evrytime tis happens..
she wants it to b over n done with..
as soon as possible..
but of cos..
dat's not the way it goes...

n then she gave up n she said to herself..
"fine.. sorry.. you can put the blame on me..
it doesnt matter anw..
it's been tis way..
for as long as i remembered..
n im so used to it already.."...

she's sorry dat she's not living up to their expectations..
she's sorry dat she does all the tings dat they dun want her to do..
she's sorry dat bcos of her, they always fought..
she's sorry dat they tink dat she's not matured enouf..
she's sorry dat they fall sick tinking of wat she's become..
she's sorry...
for she's sumting dat they haf..
that is not perfect...
she's sorry she cant b gd enough for them..
she's sorry she cant b at home when she shud haf been..
she's sorry she's not in bed evrytime during bedtime..
she's sorry she's always coming home late at nite til the morning..
she's sorry she's making them wait up for her tho they had to go to work the nxt day..
above all..
she's sorry she can b evryting else..
except their perfect lil' daughter...

she's forced to grow up faster than any1 of her age..
she wants to go back to the field of innocence..
where she rmmbrd the world from the eyes of a child..
she wanna go back to believing in evryting…



deep inside..
she's missing sumting..
deep inside..
she's empty..
deep inside..
she's not breathing..
deep inside..
she's breaking..
deep inside..
she's dying..
deep inside..
She's lost herself...



1 nite she was watching Crossroads..
on her lappy..
she's on her bed..
n all alone in her room…

"I used to think..
I had the ans to evrything..
But now i know..
That life doesn't always go my way...

Feels like I'm caught in the middle..
That's when I realise...

I'm not a girl..
Not yet a woman..
All I need is time..
A moment that is mine..
While I'm in between...

I'm not a girl..
There is no need to protect me..
It's time that I..
Learn to face up to this on my own...

I've seen so much more than u know now..
So don't tell me to shut my eyes...

I'm not a girl..
But if you look at me closely..
You will see it in my eyes..
This girl will always find her way...

I'm not a girl, don't tell me what to believe..
I'm just trying to find the woman in me..
All i need is time.. That's mine..
While I'm in between."

da da da, da da da..
the song goes on playing in her mind..
again n again..
while tots came flooding in her mind..
she starts crying..
she sat on her bed..
comforting herself..
not knowing of anywhere..
nor anyone to go to and turn to...

then, she suddenly felt so pathetic..
there was so little ppl dat she cud trust..
ppl dat she cud turn to when she needed them there for her..
she has always been ever so strong..
dat she din tink dat it'd b tis way 1 day..
she felt so useless..
n so worthless...



n as she's all typing tis..
her cheeks r all wet..
from the tear drops dat keep rolling down from her eyes..
n drops like dripping tap water..
from her chin to her folded legs on the bed..
her breath got hotter..
her vision got blurry..
n she noes..
she's gonna cry herself to sleep again..
juz so she cud go to sleep..
like evry other nites...