but these few weeks..
i’ve been having difficulty sleeping..
evry nite I come home from work.. tired and all..
when I lie down on my bed..
i close my eyes.. n try to go to sleep..
but when I open my eyes.. to my disappointment..
it’s still dark n i had closed my eyes for oni half an hr..
yea, it seems like there’s a lot on my mind..
but i cant really place my finger on wat it reli is..
even after i clear my mind of any possible distraction to sleep..
i’d find myself tossing n turning in bed.. closing my eyes n opening them again..
oni to see the time on my hp.. which shows; 3.32am..
i lied on my back.. hugged my small pillow.. n stared at the ceiling..
then turn right.. then left.. take a look at my hp..
now it shows; 3.58am..
after closing my eyes for a long time, or so I felt dat it was long..
after tossing n turning in bed again for the tenth times or more..
i took 1 last look at my hp.. tis time it shows; 4.45am..
i close my eyes.. n then I reli fell asleep..
after wat seems like so long..
but most of the times that i felt like i was asleep..
i noe i wasn’t.. u noe wat i mean?
umm.. nvm.. u guys dunno wat I mean anw..
n then comes the time when im really asleep..
i start to dream.. most of the dreams were..
meaningless.. or so it proves noting that cud b of a point to me rite now..
i dunno if they were dreams.. or juz plain nightmares..
haiz.. dream… nightmares….
wat do they really mean…
wat do they wanna show…
wat r they actually tryna bring up to us..
it’s sumting dat i’ll never know n never will figure out…..

so I’ll wake up everyday at ard 12-1+pm..
always juz in time for work..
n my everyday routine starts..
wake up in the afternoon..
go to work..
after work I’ll either return home straight..
or chill wit the rest til the early morning..
yes.. I understand and I know fully well..
that it’s not safe for a gurl like me to b out at nite..
but it’s wat I can do.. to forget wateva that i’ve been tinking abt..
i may seem rebellious.. out of control.. most of the time..
but it’s not as if I want to b this way..
circumstances made me this way..
“dun blame circumstances wid..”, “dun blame evryting else wid..” ….
that’s all I’d ever hear from ppl ard me..
but they’re not me.. u guys r not me..
so how wud u know wat im really feeling deep inside..
wat im really tinking in my mind..
wat im really experiencing rite now..
dun talk to me as if u already knew me..
cos u dun.. u really dun..
mayb others had gone thru the same ting that i haf..
or mayb others had “suffered” more than i haf now..
but everybody takes evryting differently, dun we..
so how izit possible ppl try to say that wat they experienced is the worst yet?
how izit even possible for them to acknowledge it that way?
worst yet.. how izit even possible for them to start comparing?
n yes.. im well and fully aware that evryting happens for a reason..
n that god wudnt gif us anyting that we cant handle..
but it really feels like im going crazy..
… giving up and breaking down soon......